Page 35 of Book Club Confidential

Good vibes in.

Worry, fear, trash thoughts out.

Her phone buzzed as she reached her halfway mark and turned. The nightly group chat appeared on-screen.

“Hey,” she puffed, walking slowly back toward her apartment.

Kate and Hallie greeted her with half-hearted hellos. The purple crescents of exhaustion beneath Hallie’s pretty hazel eyes were nearly as alarming as Kate’s puffy red cheeks and tissue in hand.

“What happened?” Tessa asked. She’d had another challenging day, but clearly her friends had it worse.

Kate mopped her cheeks with the tissue. “Where are you?”

“Are you jogging?” Hallie asked. “It’s dark. You could be abducted.”

“I’m at the river.” Tessa moved her camera to pan around her. “I’m perfectly safe. I think the two of you are the only ones not downtown right now. Are you both crying?”

“No.” Hallie frowned. “I’m exhausted.”

“I’m not crying at the moment,” Kate said. “I’m also not going downtown or leaving home ever again.”

“Is today opposite day?” Tessa asked. “You hate missing anything. You’d come down here to see a squirrel eat a french fry.”

“Never again,” Kate said. “From now on I’m using every chance I get to stay the fuck home.”

Tessa made her craziest face at the screen. Firstly, Kate rarely cussed. Secondly, when she was worked up enough to pull out a four-letter friend, Hallie usually celebrated. Instead, they both looked as dejected as when the call began. “What is happening?” Tessa demanded. “Spill. Now.”

“I lost more followers today,” Kate said. “A lot more. I told myself the earlier losses were a fluke, but this is the fourth day in a row. I asked myself what the heroine of my story would do. Then I decided to double down on being my most authentic self and trust that people would appreciate my authenticity.”

Hallie shook her head in silent support. “It’s still early in the experiment. You just have to give it time.”

“Time!” Kate shrieked.

Hallie stretched her eyes comically wide. “Breathe before you pass out.”

Kate tipped forward until she disappeared from view.

“Are you putting your head between your knees?” Hallie asked.

A distant muffled round of swearing made Tessa smile.

“You know I’m not that flexible,” Kate said. “My belly’s in the way, and I don’t need another reason to feel terrible about myself. I’m already going to look like shit in the morning.”

“I’m so sorry,” Tessa said. “People are fickle and easily startled. Like cats.”

Kate’s messy hair and wild expression shot back into view. “I’m not just losing followers. I’m trending downward. People are leaving me so consistently that soon there won’t be any more to lose.” Her bottom lip wobbled, and her big blue eyes filled with barely held-back tears. “I shared parts of who I am off camera, and no one likes me.”

Her face bunched, and she fanned both hands in front of her eyes, as if she might be able to dry up the emerging tears. “People only want the highly filtered, overly polished version of me. I created that version to draw them in at nineteen. I’m nearly forty now! I’m a fraud, and I’m not even a likeable one!”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Tessa said. Her hackles rose at the very notion. “You are perfect. Anyone who says differently can piss off. They aren’t your people. All those followers who checked out when you showed them something unfiltered and real are not your followers. Your true followers will stay, and new followers will come. And they will delight in all aspects of you.”

“Yes!” Hallie agreed. “When the people at your table stop seeing your value, you’re at the wrong table. You just have to find a new place to sit.”

“How?” Kate asked, tears falling in an unstoppable deluge. “Because if I don’t find somewhere soon, I’m going to be sitting on the curb with the trash.”

“Keep being yourself,” Tessa said. “People evolve. It’s natural. No matter what some may say, we are allowed to grow and change. We’re supposed to. You’re not the woman you were when you set up your social media accounts. No one should expect you to stay frozen there. It’s completely unfair. Life is change.”

“Is that why you’re quitting your job?” Kate asked, wiping strands of blond hair away from her wet cheeks. “Because the people there no longer see your value? So you’re just going to start over somewhere else?”