Page 1 of Always Be My Pumpkin

Prologue

Oakwood, ten years earlier

‘Promise you’ll always be my friend, even if things change.’

‘Things won’t change. What would change?’ Flynn stretches his arms behind his head and peers up at me with those cornflower blue eyes. He’s lying on his back on the grassy bank overlooking the lake, and I’m sitting cross-legged next to him, leaning against our favourite giant oak tree, threading a daisy chain like I always do on these lazy September evenings after school.

I smile to cover the sigh that escapes despite my best efforts. This has been such a perfect day, full of laughter and easy friendship, and I want to keep it like this forever, but a small voice inside me keeps whispering, reminding me that things don’t stay the same, that life can change in an instant, and you can’t expect people to stay with you, for you, no matter how much you want them to. For some people, loving them is just not enough. But I don’t think I could bear to lose Flynn. He’s been a huge part of my life these past few years, and lately he’s starting to feel like the most important part.

‘Promise me.’ I trace my fragile petalled chain across the line of freckles that spatter the bridge of his nose, and he twitches and pulls himself up to ease the flowers from my fingers.

‘Here, let me put this somewhere safer.’ He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and drops the chain of daisies across the top of my honey blond waves. I sit very still as he arranges my delicate tiara. My eyes are dangerously close to his mouth and I’ve spent way too much time lately picturing those lips touching mine. All I can hear is Flynn’s soft breathing and the sound of my heart beating, tapping out a message that I’m not sure I’m ready to send.

He ducks his head to peer into my eyes, then presses his fingertip to the crinkle that appears above my nose when I get anxious. ‘Hey, don’t worry, I know it’ll be different this year, and we’ll need to get our heads down and study, but that’s okay, we’ll help each other.’

‘It’s not that.’ I blow out a shaky breath. I’m not sure how to explain. It’s not only that our teachers are telling us it’s time to get serious. It’s not even the idea of going to different colleges in a couple of years and not seeing each other every day like we do now. It’s this uneasy feeling, a strange sense of dread, like I’m going to lose something or someone important. Again.

‘Is it the anniversary? I can go with you to the grave tomorrow, if you like?’ Flynn gives my hand a gentle squeeze. ‘I know it’s hard.’

I pinch my lower lip. ‘Thanks. But Mam wants it to be just the two of us.’

I go with it, the fact that Flynn assumes it’s Dad’s first anniversary that’s affecting me. And it is, but it’s not only that. I have so many mixed-up emotions inside me, and I don’t know what to do with them, how to hold them all in. And I have to, for Mam’s sake. For everyone’s sake. Mam and Flynn are the two people I share almost everything with, but I don’t know how to share this. This feeling that my relationship with my best friend is turning into more, on my side at least, and I don’t know what to do about it, or if I should do anything at all, if it’s worth risking everything for what could be just crazy, stupid hormones, a passing teenage crush.

‘Just promise me, Flynn, please,’ I say again.

He stands and holds out his hand to help me up.

‘I promise. You’re my best friend in the world, Gracie. And I hope I’m yours. Always.’

1

Ten years later

I think I can squeeze one last pumpkin onto the top of this spinner stand before Gertrude comes back from lunch and starts lecturing me again. I can’t seem to please that woman, no matter how hard I try. But I’ll keep trying anyway. Because that’s what I do. No matter what life throws at me, I tilt my chin up and smile, and I shove the hurt back down.

There’s no point in wallowing. It didn’t work all those years ago when I watched my best friend laugh his head off at the idea of taking me, Gracie Sullivan, to the school’s Halloween Ball. I cried for a whole week, but he upped and left me behind anyway, despite all the promises he made.

And maybe that’s why I didn’t feel like crying when I found my boyfriend of ten years in bed with another woman. After I left my family, my friends, and the job I’d dreamed of since I was fourteen years old, to follow him all the way to London. Because Jamie said he was bored with Oakwood, that moving to a big city would give our relationship the spark it had been missing for too long. He found the spark he was looking for all right, but it was his new work colleague, Olivia, that lit the match, not me.

I was so cross. I was furious. But I can’t honestly say I was heartbroken. Because I let a boy break my heart once, and I don’t intend to make that mistake again.

But none of that matters now. I’m here where I belong, back in my beloved Oakwood, and I know what I need to do. I’m going to focus on my career and the new independent life I plan to lead. And I’m going to start with making this library the closest thing to an autumn wonderland our village has ever seen. Now, if I can just stretch a teeny bit more . . .

I pause mid-reach as I hear the swish of the automatic doors. Feck, Gertrude’s back early, and it sounds like she has company. Unless she’s muttering to herself again. It wouldn’t surprise me, but I can’t turn around as I’m barely holding on as it is. And this chair is even wobblier than it looks. One wrong move and I’ll bring down the entire cosy crime display, and she’ll never forgive me for that.

‘Heh, hem.’ I catch the disapproving cough that means she’s off, and I might as well climb down and let her get on with telling me everything that’s wrong with my approach to managing her library. And why I’m the last person who should take over when she retires.

Gertrude was librarian here when Dad brought me to my first story time as a toddler. It was our thing. Mam worked Saturday mornings at our local medical centre, so every Saturday, all through my childhood, Dad and I would stroll through the village and spend our morning in the library. Story times in the early years, craft workshops when I was old enough – the library was where I first learned to crochet. And later, just sitting together, reading, and chatting about our favourite books.

This was our place. A place where I felt connected, cherished, inspired. I was barely into my teens when I decided I wanted to work here. I think I was fourteen when Gertrude first put out a suggestion box so customers could offer ideas on how to improve the service. I’m pretty sure that was the county librarian’s idea, not Gertrude’s, but she did let me lead a teen focus group, and she even took some of my suggestions on board, like creating teen and young adult book clubs, and decorating the library for more than just Christmas.

She was the nearest thing I had to a mentor, and when the time came to think about careers, she encouraged me to study library management. I worked here every summer all through college, and Gertrude was so pleased when I got my job at headquarters that she told me she hoped I’d take over from her, managing Oakwood, one day. She was delighted when I was assigned as her assistant a little over two years ago. Everything was going to plan.

But then I followed Jamie to London, and Gertrude took it as a personal rejection, like I decided that her library, her village, wasn’t what I wanted after all. Maybe she had a point, because by the time I left for London, I wasn’t sure what I wanted any more.

Once upon a time, I was close to having everything I ever dreamed of. And then it all fell apart. And it felt safer to focus on what I could have, who I could build a life with, than waste my time mourning long-forgotten promises and broken dreams.

And now I’m back in Oakwood. Alone. And there are two library manager positions opening up, with interviews planned for next month – one spot in Abbeyville, and one here in Oakwood, taking over from Gertrude when she retires in November. I have my degree, and plenty of experience, but I could use Gertrude’s support to make sure I have a decent chance of getting back on track with my dream of managing Oakwood Library. But she’s finding it hard to let go. And even harder to accept me back into the fold.