Page 24 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘So, she’s not your girlfriend?’

He sighs wearily. ‘No, but it’s complicated.’

‘Wanna talk about it?’

‘I’m so embarrassed.’ He leans his head against my leg and rubs his jaw. And I try to focus on his feelings, and not the way my joggers have ridden up, and Flynn’s soft, sandy hair is caressing the bare skin above my ankle. Oh God.

‘Her parents are friends of my parents,’ he says. ‘Her mom’s a surgeon at the hospital Dad works at and they visit all the time. Dinner, barbecues, the usual. After Natalie and I broke up, Mom started inviting Meghan too. I think she was hoping to set us up.’

‘That’s quite a while ago, isn’t it? Since you and Natalie . . .’

He takes a gulp of wine, draining his glass. ‘Almost two years. But Mom only started inviting Meghan this last year. I hadn’t been on a date since Natalie and I finished, and I think she was beginning to worry.’

I watch him closely as I sip, he looks so sad. He and Natalie were together since college, and they broke up not long after I moved to London. After Jamie wore me down by persuading me that moving there would bring us closer together, because it would be just me and him, away from any distractions. I only realised later he meant my family and friends.

‘I thought you two might go the distance,’ I say. ‘You seemed to really like her. Natalie, I mean.’

‘I did really like her.’ Flynn sighs.

‘And Meghan?’

He shrugs. ‘She’s a nice girl. We hung out a bit. Well, more than a bit. For a while there, she seemed to turn up everywhere I went.’ He hesitates. ‘And then one night, I had a bit too much to drink.’ He winces. ‘Way too much. And I woke up the next morning in her bed.’

‘She took advantage of you?’ My chest tightens.

‘No.’ Flynn hangs his head. ‘It’s my fault, I was a bit lost at the time. If anything, I took advantage of her.’ He sighs. ‘That morning, after I woke up, she made it very clear she was available for whatever.’

‘Okaay.’

‘I told her I didn’t want a relationship, that I wasn’t looking to get involved.’ He looks up and holds my gaze. ‘That I was hung up on someone else, and probably always will be.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ I reach out and squeeze his shoulder, but he drops his head again and closes his eyes, and I try not to stare at those silky lashes and sun-freckled cheeks. I want to kiss away the hurt that I can see he’s locking down, but I’d be the one taking advantage then.

He never told me exactly what happened with Natalie. Or why they split up. But it’s clear he’s not over it.

‘So, you and Meghan had a “friends with benefits” situation?’ I steer the conversation away from Natalie. I know how losing someone cuts, and how it’s better not to open old wounds.

Flynn grimaces. ‘I guess so. At least, that’s what I thought. I didn’t mean it to keep happening, but Meghan kept showing up, telling me she only wanted something casual.’ He tugs at his hair. ‘And it was fun, so I told myself I believed her. But I think I knew all along she was hoping it would turn into more. God, I’m a bastard, aren’t I?’

‘It’s not your fault. You were honest with her. She’s the one who didn’t play straight.’

‘But I wasn’t honest with myself. Friends with benefits never works. One person always wants more.’ He shakes his head. ‘One person always gets hurt.’

12

‘See you next week.’ I wave goodbye to the little ones and drop down on a purple pouffe. I’m still in my pumpkin costume and Flynn’s over to the side of the children’s area, leaning against the door to the library garden, and grinning like a kid opening presents on Christmas morning. I wave, it’s all good, we can just be friends.

Then he runs his fingers through his messy fringe and starts strolling towards me, all loose-limbed and easy, and my nerve endings spark with every move that he makes.

And I tell myself to breathe through this, forget this. I can’t have this. Flynn may have the starring role in my dreams, but after last night, hearing what he said about Natalie, I know I’m not his leading light and I never will be.

I’ll always be the sweet goofy sidekick, the faithful best friend. If I don’t screw up this chance that the universe has been good enough to grace me with at last. I promise myself again I’ll give it my best shot. I know all the standard buddy lines, and I’ve even nailed the costume this morning, and that’s the first thing he comments on.

‘Oh man, this was worth flying home for. You should sing that song for the Samhain session and wear this outfit too.’ He grins as he pokes my padded orange middle, and I screw up my face and stick out my tongue. If I’m going to play the part of a smiley stuffed vegetable, I might as well give it all I’ve got.

‘How long are you home for?’ I ask him at last. I’ve been skirting around this question since Flynn arrived back and I’m not sure why I’ve finally managed to let it out. Maybe it’s everything we talked about last night. Knowing that he’s still hung up on Natalie, and that things weren’t as easy for him as I assumed when he left. I wonder if that’s part of the reason he seems in no rush to get back. Because he needs a friend to talk to. And because maybe I’m not the only one who needs a fresh start.

‘I’m not sure yet.’ He rubs at the crease above his nose; the same place he used to smooth out for me when I’d get anxious. ‘It depends on Pat. I have to talk to him some more when he’s home next week. There’s a lot we need to work out. And to discuss with my parents.’