Page 48 of Always Be My Pumpkin

My heart lifts as I turn towards the stairs. But I can’t let myself get carried away with silly notions like maybe I could be that girl. Flynn’s leaving, and this was never meant to last. My plan’s working and I need to keep on track, and if I don’t get a move on, I’ll be late for opening up.

At least it’s only for the morning and then we can spend our afternoon by the lake. He did suggest borrowing Pat’s truck and heading off for a drive up the mountains. But I want one perfect day with my favourite person, in my favourite place in the world, before I have to pull myself back to reality, before I have to deal with letting him go.

Flynn laughs. ‘You need to stop worrying about my love life, Mom. I’m doing fine.’ Then something shifts in the way he holds himself, the way he’s listening, and his body stills. ‘Natalie,’ he says, and his voice lifts, like this is a person he wants to hear more about. ‘You met Natalie?’

I should leave. I should climb these stairs and let him have this conversation in private, especially as he seems to have forgotten I’m even here. But I feel like I’m in some sort of trance as I turn back around, my hand on the newel post, my eyes glued to the back of Flynn’s head.

‘Yeah, Mom,’ he goes on. ‘I know you’ve always been fond of her, I know you two were close. Yeah, I heard Kev asked her to move in with him . . . No, I didn’t know she moved back to Cricket Falls . . . You think maybe they broke up?’ Then a longer pause while he listens to his mother. ‘Natalie wants to see me? To talk to me?’ Another pause. ‘Of course I still care about her, you know I do.’

I watch the back of his head, his hand tugging through his hair the way he does when he’s working things out, trying to make the right decision. Thinking of everyone else before himself. I worried that was why he told Pat to sell the shop instead of signing it over to him. Because he knows how much I want that extension, because he knows how much it means to me to stay in Oakwood.

‘Of course I’ll talk to her, Mom, if you’re sure that’s what she wants. I’ll go and see her as soon as I get home.’ He sighs. ‘I thought I was making things easier by telling her I wasn’t ready, but I should have been honest. I should have told her how I felt.’

He shakes his head and seems to be talking more to himself now as he leans back from his phone. ‘I’ve wasted too much time holding back and I don’t intend to make that mistake any more. I won’t risk losing the woman I love a second time.’

He drags his hand down his jaw, and I want to walk over and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pull him close, and let him know I’m here if he needs a friend to talk to. But I feel like I’m trapped behind a sheer glass wall. Flynn’s on one side with his thoughts about Natalie and going home to her and Cricket Falls. And I’m all the way over here on the other side, back on my own again. And that’s okay, I can do that. I already knew that was how it would have to be. The last words I hear as I climb the stairs to grab a cardi are, ‘I need to tell Natalie the truth.’

Flynn’s still on the phone when I get back downstairs. I wiggle my fingers and mouth see you later as I walk past the couch towards the door.

‘Hold on a sec, Mom.’ He drops his phone on the armrest. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think I’d be so long. It’s just Mom, checking in.’ He reaches out and tugs my hand to pull me closer, but I hold myself back.

‘Hey, don’t I get a kiss before you go?’ He smiles as though nothing he’s said, nothing I’ve overheard, has anything to do with what happened last night. And that cuts. How can he think it’s okay to kiss me if he plans to go back and fight for Natalie? If he’s already made up his mind that she’s still the one he wants.

I get that he’s letting me down gently, like he did with Meghan. But I don’t want his pity kiss, and I won’t be another mistake to regret. The whole point of my plan was to get sex out of the way so we could go back to being friends. I didn’t bank on it being so damn incredible, but I don’t care how much it hurts, I’ll make it clear he has no need to worry. This was only ever meant to be a fling. But I don’t have time now, and I need to do this right.

‘Sorry, I’m running late. I’ll see you at lunch.’ I drop a quick peck on top of his head, grab my rain jacket from its hook, and dash out the door before I lose all composure and break down in tears.

‘What the hell?’

I’m powerwalking against the wind as it’s five minutes to opening, and it’s Gertrude’s morning off so I’m the only one with a key. I’m almost grateful for the gale as at it gives me an excuse for my red, bleary eyes.

But as I reach the junction with the shop on the corner, I see Pat, Finbarr, and Gertrude standing in a row, staring up at garish red letters plastered across the gable of Pat’s Plants and Herbs.

Down With Plastic. Screaming scarlet in huge block capitals. All over the side wall that faces the road down to Hazel Cottage and to Oakwood House and Gardens. And visible from the main road into the village too.

Pat looks all of his seventy years, and I catch the shake in his hand as he lights up his rollie. It’s a cold, grey morning and this bitter wind is threatening to brew up a storm. He looks fragile for the first time since I’ve known him, and he takes a long drag of his rollie – the only time I’ve ever seen him smoke one – and blows out hard.

‘I may go tell Flynn.’ He tips back his head. ‘It’s my own fault, I thought this damn village could take a joke.’

‘This wasn’t the village, Pat,’ Finbarr says gruffly. ‘I’ve a fair idea who did this but they don’t speak for anybody in this village except themselves.’

‘They most certainly don’t.’ Gertrude lifts the hood of her padded coat to fend off the October chill. ‘Everyone around here knows you ran the most sustainable shop in the county.’ She lays her hand on Pat’s arm. ‘You’re the last person that would sell out to a plastics company. We’ll get to the bottom of this, don’t you worry.’

‘Damn right we will,’ I say, and Gertrude looks up as though she’s only just noticed I’m here. She nods at me. ‘You go with Pat to fetch Flynn, Gracie, and I’ll open the library. Take as much time as you need and make sure to give this man a strong cup of sweet tea as soon as you get back to the cottage.’

‘Go on in and put the kettle on, girl. I’ll finish this first.’ Pat leans against the stone wall at the front of Hazel Cottage. He plucks his half-smoked rollie from behind his ear and sighs. ‘It’s taken ten years to get the lad home, I only hope this doesn’t put him off.’ Then he shakes his head and gives me a wry smile. ‘Nah, what am I saying. Sure, we both know there’s not enough paint in the world to keep him away this time.’

Not enough paint, but Natalie dumping her boyfriend and asking to see Flynn again might do the job. But I won’t mention that now. Pat has more than enough on, between retiring, moving in with a partner for the first time in his life, and selling his beloved shop. And now this nasty, vindictive vandalism putting a damper on all his plans

I’m glad he has Flynn here to help, at least for a while. But then that’s what Flynn does. Drops everything to be there for the people who need him most. He did it for his mam, he’s here now for Pat. And he’s been here for me too, listening, standing up for me, even kissing me when I asked. It’s time he put himself first and I need to make sure that he does. But right now, I need to make Pat that pot of tea. And break the bad news.

Flynn’s loading the dishwasher when I open the door. He’s got a tea towel draped over his shoulder and his hair’s tousled from all that tugging while he talked to his mam.

He looks cute, way too cute, so cute I almost forget why I’m here.

‘This is a good surprise.’ His eyes widen as I shrug off my jacket. ‘Did you decide you could make time for that kiss after all?’ He closes the dishwasher and starts walking towards me with that impish smile when Pat coughs, raps the door, and walks in.

‘What’s going on? What happened?’ Flynn stares at his uncle, eyes narrowed, forehead creased with concern. I don’t think Flynn’s ever seen Pat look fragile either.