Page 56 of Always Be My Pumpkin

I shake my head to reassure her. ‘I didn’t even see it myself. And it really only got bad after that phone call from Flynn. The one Jamie made me hang up on.’ I don’t mention the Christmas card he found me in tears reading. Sarah already knows how much I missed home.

‘I’m not sure it was really me Jamie was obsessed with.’ I glance over at his table. ‘He never did like to come second best. At anything.’

Sarah’s eyebrows arch, but she doesn’t ask me who I think Jamie was, and still is, obsessed with. She knows.

‘So, he’ll be moving out of your place. That’s good,’ I say. ‘I’ll be able to call over for a cuppa, or a glass of wine, give Mam some privacy.’ I told Sarah earlier about Cal, and how he’s coming to stay for Halloween.

‘He’s moving tomorrow. And I told him to leave your boxes. They’re stacked in the back corner by the dresser, so you can pick them up whenever it suits.’

‘I forgot he even had them. Between the festival and the interview and—’

‘And all the sex.’ She grins, and I smile back, because it’s better than my other option, dissolving into tears. And I have no intention of doing that with Jamie and Olivia nearby.

‘I might leave them at yours until the weekend, if that’s okay. I have my interview tomorrow, and Mam’s home Friday night. I’ll move back in with her first, and I can bring them straight there.’

‘No problem, we’ll take everything in my car on Saturday morning.’ Sarah pops the last of her sandwich into her mouth.

I look down at mine, untouched on my plate, and force myself to take a small bite.

‘Have you told Flynn you’re moving out?’ she asks as she watches me.

‘Not yet.’ I swallow. ‘I’ll tell him in in my letter. I want to give him space to sort things out with his parents. And Natalie.’ My voice is tight as I say her name.

I don’t mention that he texted last night to say he went to see her, and it went really well, whatever that means. I think I already know, but I need to hear it from Flynn, face to face, and definitely not over a text.

‘I started my letter but I haven’t finished. I’m going to try again later.’

‘When’s he due back?’

‘End of next week. Friday, I think.’

‘He’ll be back for the Samhain session here in the Corner Bar then.’

‘I hope so.’ I picture us sitting in our favourite spot, laughing and singing like we used to, pretending for one last night that we can still be best friends for always, just like we promised all those years ago by the lake. Or maybe not. Not if Natalie has given the same ultimatum, again.

‘I’d better go. I’ll be late to open up.’

I throw my jacket over my arm and wave to Audrey for the bill. It’s only a quarter to two but Sarah doesn’t question me, and she doesn’t comment that I’ve barely touched my food. She knows how upset I was that Flynn missed our first Halloween Ball.

I thought he and I would go together, as friends, that I’d work up the courage to tell him how I felt on the night. But then Sarah intervened, Flynn laughed and left, and Jamie stepped in. I never told Sarah I planned to tell Flynn that I might be in love with him. But I see by her face that I don’t need to tell her now I still am.

‘I’m going to finish the letter tonight,’ I say before I leave, and I make up my mind that I will, no matter how hard it is to find the right words.

Dear Flynn,

I’ve started this letter so many times, I have a bin full of scrunched-up pages. And it’s helped me understand what it must have been like for you at sixteen, leaving your friends, your home, and your beloved Uncle Pat. I was so hurt at the time, I thought you didn’t care enough to write me a proper goodbye, but now I know it was because you did care, a lot, and it’s not your fault you couldn’t say the words I wanted to hear. I wish I’d been braver and told you how I felt and how much I’d miss you, instead of just handing you a pen.

But we’re both older now, and wiser, I hope, and it’s time to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is. That’s what I’m trying to do here, and I hope you’ll understand. I’m writing to tell you I’m moving out of Hazel Cottage. Mam’s home on Friday and I’m moving back in with her. Until I find a place of my own.

I’m looking forward to this new chapter, living on my own, building my career. I’m even hoping to travel more. Maybe I’ll go visit Sarah and Scott if they move to Australia, which I think they might, and I’m good with that. I’m learning to let people go and not see it as a rejection, not see it as a reflection on me. People have their own lives to live and that’s why I’m writing to you now.

You made a life in Cricket Falls, Flynn. A good one. And you found someone you loved. But Pat told me what happened. I know you lost Natalie because you didn’t want to break your promise to me. And now you have a chance to fix that, to make things right again. And if that’s what you want, then I want you to.

It’s been wonderful seeing you, and it’s been so much fun. But if you do talk to Natalie about us, I want you to make it clear that that’s all it was. Two friends having fun, getting a few unresolved issues out of their system. And it’s over now. It’s done.

I want you to be happy, and I don’t need you to keep your promise any more. Always was always too much to ask. I don’t need you to stay with me, or for me. I need to let you go.

I know you have to come back to wrap things up with the shop and the land, and to say goodbye to Pat. I’m going to hang out at the Twilight movie night on Samhain’s Eve, and you can enjoy your time in the Corner Bar with Pat. If you want to drop over and say goodbye before you go, that’s up to you. But I’ll understand if you don’t. You don’t need to message. You don’t need to write any more. I’ll say it now for both of us, just in case.