Page 153 of Spies Don’t Fall for Their Best Friend

His eyes close briefly. And when they open again, there’s no argument in them—only fear. “I don’t know if I can watch something like that happen to you again.”

I pause for a long moment. Then I say, “Okay.”

He flinches.

“That is what you need to figure out.” I move even closer to him and reach for his hand. “But figure that out. Decide whether you can live with loving someone you can’t always protect.”

His fingers close around mine. The familiar warmth of his hand settles something in me. I don’t want less of this because yesterday was terrifying. I want more.

“Don’t figure out whether I’m allowed to choose you, because I already did.”

For a while, we look into each other’s eyes, neither of us saying anything. Then Miles’s gaze goes to our joined hands. “You make that sound so simple.”

“It’s not simple.”

He shakes his head.

“But neither was what you asked me to do.” His eyes meet mine, and I squeeze his hand. “I love you, Miles. I’m not mad at you or anything remotely resembling that. And we are not breaking up, in case your brain has gotten dramatic enough to go there.”

That finally gets the smallest hint of a smile before it disappears.

“So, you figure that out,” I say. “I’m going to school.”

His head snaps up. “You’re what?”

“I’m going to the library.”

“Reese, you were kidnapped yesterday.”

“And today, I’m going to alphabetize things. Healing comes in many forms.”

“Reese.”

“Marjorie is still covering for me, and the students will be in class. I have ordering, shelving, emails, and my list of fourteen things I was supposed to do before Grace decided to kick off the longest day ever.”

He opens his mouth, but I point at him. “No protecting me from shelving.”

For half a second, I want to kiss him properly—to remind both of us what we’re fighting to keep—but I don’t want to use a kiss to solve something he still needs to think through. So, I lean in and kiss his cheek. Then I let go of his hand and head for the door.

When I get to it, I stop with my hand on the knob and turn back to him. “Figure out your part. I’ve already figured out mine.”

CHAPTER 29

PRETEND IT’S TUESDAY

MILES

The door closes behind Reese, and I stand in the middle of my entryway, staring at it. She’s right. And here I was, hoping for at least ten minutes before I had to admit that.

I turn to face my living room, where everything feels exactly like it did before Reese came over. Nothing about me does.

The thing is, I knew what I was doing. Well, not last night. Last night, all I knew was that every time I looked at the marks on Reese’s wrists, everything inside me went cold. But this morning, I think I knew I was backing away. Not a lot. Just enough to feel like I could protect her better.

I sink onto my couch and rub both hands over my face. You don’t get to decide what loving you costs me repeats on a loop in my mind. I had told her the same thing when she looked at a future that might not include biological children and had decided I’d eventually regret choosing her.

I had told her that she couldn’t know that. And that whatever I might grieve someday didn’t become a debt she owed me. I meant every word. Apparently, I thought the principle applied only in one direction.

I stand again because sitting isn’t helping. The events of yesterday are still too close. Every time I let my mind settle, I see the parking garage footage over and over. Reese fighting, disappearing into a van, red marks on her wrists, and Rooke saying she wouldn’t interfere again while I sat across from him and did nothing.