Page 76 of All the Things We Never Knew

‘What are you talking about?’ I heard my own voice rising. ‘I was only trying to help with Lulu. I told you when she didn’t come and meet me, because I was worried about her. So you could keep her safe. And if you’re so concerned about her, why aren’t you with her now? You’re here for the same reason I am, aren’t you?’

I noticed curious eyes turning to watch us as the last of the concertgoers left the hall to make their way home. But Anna, who I imagined would normally be far more conscious of the disapproval of strangers than I was, didn’t seem to care.

‘You ruined my marriage,’ she exploded. ‘I can’t even mourn my husband properly because of you. You took that away from me. And now – my daughter…’

No one slaps the faces of hysterical women any more, thank God. No one even uses that unscientific, misogynistic word. But if it had been fifty years ago, I had to admit I’d have been sorely tempted to do both.

Instead, I reached out my arms to her. ‘Come on, Anna. Calm down. Why don’t we have a drink, and you can tell me all about it?’

Then she fell into my arms, sobbing helplessly.

FORTY-FOUR

ANNA

Before I could protest, I found myself sitting at a Formica table in the kind of café where taxi drivers stop for a break during a night shift, a steaming cup of tea in front of me into which Laurel was heaping teaspoons of sugar.

‘What’s happened to Lulu?’ she asked, tearing open a cellophane packet of mass-produced shortbread biscuits and putting one on my saucer. ‘Is she hurt?’

I dug in my bag for a tissue, wiped my eyes and blew my nose, then took a sip of tea. It was over-stewed, over-sweet and surprisingly comforting. Across the table from me, Laurel’s face was wary and concerned.

Is she going to throw her tea in my face? I imagined her thinking. Well, I wasn’t going to do that; I’d embarrassed myself enough already for one night.

‘She’s okay,’ I said coolly. ‘She’s at Orla’s tonight. She sneaked off to see some boy.’

Laurel shook her head. ‘That’s not great, is it? I’m sorry – if I’d known that was likely to happen, I wouldn’t have agreed to meet up with her when you weren’t there. But she’s okay, at least?’

Her concern disarmed me, and the desire to share what had happened with another adult – another woman – was strong. I found myself saying, ‘They had sex. Then he ghosted her.’

Laurel winced. ‘Oh no. Poor Lulu. I suspected she was doing something she didn’t want either of us to know about, but I – you know. Like you said just now, it’s not really⁠—’

‘Your business?’ I dunked my biscuit in the tea and took a soggy bite. ‘No. It’s not. But you’re involved now, so you might as well know.’

‘I thought it was okay to arrange to see her,’ she fretted. ‘I never expected her not to turn up. I can see why you⁠—’

I shook my head. ‘This isn’t your fault. I’m sorry about how I behaved back there. I just…’

‘Went off on one?’ She smiled, and I felt a stab of the familiar jealousy – there was something about that smile, its warmth, its openness, its promise of fun, that reminded me afresh why Gray could have fallen in love with this woman. ‘Hey, it’s totally understandable. When you’re worried about someone and you can’t lash out at them, you lash out at whoever else is nearest. And it’s not like I’ve done nothing to deserve being lashed out at.’

‘I’m sorry, anyway,’ I said.

Laurel sipped her tea, looking at me cautiously. ‘Will Lulu – I mean, physically…? She’ll be okay?’

‘She’s taken the morning-after pill, if that’s what you mean. I suppose we’ll have a conversation about STI checks when she’s ready to talk about that.’

‘Poor girl,’ Laurel sighed. ‘I mean, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? But it must be so different when it’s your daughter.’

‘Oh God. When I was that age I was sneaking off to clubs with fake ID and getting up to all sorts.’

‘It was underground raves for me.’ Laurel flashed that smile at me again. ‘I put myself in so many dodgy situations. My parents would’ve hit the roof if they’d known.’

‘But they didn’t know, did they? God, mobile phones have a lot to answer for.’

‘It certainly makes it a lot harder for young people to do the stuff young people do,’ she agreed.

‘I just wanted to keep her safe.’ I blew my nose again. ‘That was always Gray’s thing. He never wanted anything bad to happen to our kids. I didn’t either, of course – I don’t. But he was always the more protective of us. And now that he’s gone…’

‘It’s all on you,’ she said. ‘I get that. It’s a lot.’