Page 223 of Shhh…It’s A Killer Story

My mind immediately began searching for someone to kill. Who? When. Where. How old was he? Was he still breathing? Was he…

"No."

Her hand came up, cupping my jaw before I could disappear into that darkness.

"No. You promised."

I hadn't even realised my jaw was clenched until it hurt. She stroked her thumb across my cheek.

"I know where your head just went. It isn't your fight anymore. It happened. It hurt but it isn't happening now."

Her eyes filled with tears she refused to let fall.

"I just...I wanted you to know. I've never chosen this before. I have never done this before."

She looked away.

"I've never chosen someone."

Her fingers intertwined with mine again.

"I want tonight to be different. I want it to be my choice. My first time though it isn’t but to me it will be and I wanted it to be with you."

My throat burned. I lifted her hand and pressed a kiss against her bruised knuckles.

"You never have to earn my kindness. You never have to explain what someone else stole. You understand me?"

A tear escaped despite her efforts. I caught it with my thumb.

"You were a child. What happened to you was… fuck it was evil, but it wasn't your fault. It will never be your fault."

She nodded once. Small, so fucking fragile.

"But..." she whispered, almost smiling through her tears.

"I still want more. I want all of you. I want to know what it feels like instead. I want to know what you feel like."

My heart gave out somewhere beneath my sternum. I kissed her forehead. Then her nose. Then the corner of her mouth. Slowly. Patiently. Like I had all the time in the world.

"You'll never have to wonder with me," I whispered.

"I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you never confuse love with pain again."

My thumb continued tracing lazy circles across the back of her hand while she leaned against me, her breathing slowly evening out. I could still feel the faint tremor running through her body. Not fear anymore. Release.

She'd trusted me with the darkest corner of her life and somehow, she still looked at me like I was worth trusting. I wasn't sure I'd ever recover from that. I lifted her hand again, pressing another kiss against her knuckles.

"So that's why..." I whispered.

She looked up.

“Why you flinch when someone raises their voice. Why you keep waiting for people to leave?"

Her eyes shimmered.

"I notice more than you think."

A watery laugh escaped her.