Page 53 of The Trouble with Tweed

“I’m sorry, Michael.”

“I’m only telling you this to explain that I think that when things are bad, on some level, it’s easier. Emotionally, I mean. Because there’s so much to be done. You don’t have time to sit around and mourn. You don’t have time to think about all the things that could have been different. You don’t have time to remember what you’ve lost. It’s when things get quiet again, when you aren’t just fighting for survival—that’s when the grief really sinks its talons into you. Because that’s when you have time for it.”

After several moments, she nodded. “I think perhaps you’re right.”

“I often think so.” He gave her a tentative smile.

“It’s something worth considering, at least.”

“How right I am all the time?” he offered.

She rolled her eyes at his teasing.

“Thank you for telling me, Claire,” he said.

She squeezed his hand, then glanced down as if surprised to find their fingers still entwined. A blush dusted her features and she pulled away as she said, “Thank you. For listening.”

He nodded and steered the horses back onto the pathway, the memory of her blush fueling the hope inside him.

CHAPTER 17- CLAIRE

“Ithink you might have been right,” Claire said to Michael, all in a gust, the following day.

Afternoon sunlight streamed through the long windows in the small back parlor. The door was barely ajar, but Mara was mending one of Claire’s gloves in the corner and pretending she didn’t hear a single word.

Claire twisted her hands together. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. It didn’t make sense to me, my emotions. There were times when I thought I was going mad.”

“How so?”

Claire bolstered her courage and said, “I was so angry with William when he returned. I was furious. And at first I thought it was because he hadn’t been here. To stop what happened, I mean. But I think it’s more than that. As terrible as it is to admit, I think I was jealous of him.”

“Jealous?” Michael raised his eyebrows, but there was no judgement there, only curiosity.

She nodded. “I had been working so hard for so long to keep our family afloat. And then William walks in and fixes everything without any effort at all.” She shook her head. “I know that isn’t the truth of it, but that’s how it felt. And all my sisters were so grateful, acting like William was the best thing since carriage springs. But they still treat me as if I’m the ice queen.”

She twisted her fingers together and continued, “Beatrice can hardly stand to be in a room with me, even though I’m the one who made sure that she was fed. I was there protecting them, and William was nowhere to be found. However, it’s as if with a few new pieces of furniture and some gowns, they’ve forgotten everything I did. Yes,” she continued, nodding crisply. “I think I’m angry at the lot of them. Lily was the only one who⁠—”

Claire bit back the rest of her sentence. That was Lily’s secret to tell, and she shouldn’t be sharing it.

“I hope you know that you have my confidence,” Michael said slowly. “I won’t repeat anything you tell me. Not even to my sister or mother.”

“Thank you.” In that moment, she loved him for it. Claire had learned long ago that with seven sisters, nothing that was said to one might not end up in the ears of the others. “But it isn’t my secret to tell.”

Michael nodded and picked up the brass duck from the side table. Claire had thought about moving the thing, but he seemed to need something to fiddle with during important conversations. It didn’t escape Claire’s notice that she and Michael had enough of them that she knew that about him.

“I understand why you’re angry,” he said. “Have you ever thought about telling your brother and sisters how you feel? It certainly isn’t William’s fault he wasn’t here—unless you don’t believe his story about not receiving the letter.”

“I believe him,” she said. “For some reason, it was easier to be mad at him than it was to be mad at my sisters.”

“I understand why that might be, but from all I’ve seen and heard, William is just trying to do the best he can for your family.”

Claire shook her head. “It was an embarrassment to realize how I truly feel. I don’t know how to ask his forgiveness for it.”

“It’s very simple. You explain and apologize and mean it.”

“Ugh.” Her body sagged.

“I said it was simple, not that it was easy.” Michael’s smile was kind.