Page 130 of The Treasure House

And for the millionth time that night I burst into tears. I was amazed I had any tears left in me.

“Oh dear.” She sent the sleepy kittens tumbling sideways onto the sofa as she rose to comfort me. “Jake told us his cousin turned Tina in.” She took me in her arms. “Where is he? I thought he was bringing you home?”

“He followed me home but just went in to check on Hazel,” I managed to sniff. “He was worried she’d have ripped the place apart while he was gone. I told him not to rush. I need some processing time.”

Suni pulled away. “Okay. I’ll head up—”

“No,” I cut her off and pulled her back. “I didn’t mean you.” I swallowed. “In fact, I wanted to see you.” I’d wanted to see her all night, I realized. It had been a shadowy need in the back of my mind ever since I’d left the Nar-Anon family meeting. It had grown when Tina had opened the door, reeking of meth, and then again when I’d seen Marly’s photo album.

“Suni,” I blurted. I had no grace. I wasn’t articulate. I just had a burning need to say what I had to say. “All day I’ve wanted my mom. I’ve been so hurt and so scared and so lost. And I just wanted my mom so badly.” The tears were streaming again. I was made of them.

“Oh, honey, I know,” she said sympathetically. “You’ve always wanted her. I’m so sorry she hasn’t been able to be the mom you needed.”

She didn’t understand me. I shook my head. “No. I mean, I wanted you.”

Her dark eyes widened.

“Suni, you’re my mom. And when life gets too real, and I’m hurting bad, and scared, and I can’t manage, you’re the one I want.” I pressed my lips together, trying not to break into ugly sobs before I could get the words out. “Tonight, I was looking at Jake’s family photo album,” I said, my throat tight, “and wishing so hard I’d had a childhood like his mom’s. And then just now I came home and as soon as I saw the bare stalks of the lilacs I exhaled. Like all the tension went out of me. And I realized that coming home to lilacs feels like coming home. Because of you.” I drew an aching, shuddering breath. “Ever since that case worker drove me up your drive, past all those flowering lilacs, they’ve meant home to me.”

Now Suni was crying too.

“And I realized I did have a home and I did have love. It wasn’t with the person I thought I wanted, or in the way that I wanted, but I had it. You were always there for me. You never forced love on me, never demanded it of me, you just gave me a place where I was safe when I needed it. And I needed it so badly.”

“What’s going on here?” Wayne appeared in the doorway in his sweatpants and Pirates T-shirt. He was alarmed by our ugly crying and the way we were clutching at each other. “What’s happened?”

Suni shook her head. She was crying too hard to speak.

Now Wayne looked really worried.

“It’s okay,” I promised him, aware my swallowed sobs weren’t reassuring. “I was just telling Suni how much you guys mean to me.” I hugged him. Fiercely. “I mean, I was telling her that I love you, both of you.”

“Well, we know that.” He gave me a bewildered pat on the back. “We love you too.”

Suni joined us, pressing a wet kiss to my cheek. “I love you as much as I love my own kids,” she whispered, stroking my face. “I hope you know that.”

“I do.” I was still blubbering. “And I should have introduced you to Flo as her grandparents. You should be Gran and Pop or Granny and Granddad or whatever.”

“We don’t need names to be her grandparents,” Wayne said, still sounding a touch baffled. “She’s always been ours.”

“Oh my God, who’s dead?” Alison appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking panicked.

“No one’s dead, baby,” Suni assured her. “We’re just having an ‘I love you’ moment.”

Alison looked like she didn’t believe us.

“Come join us,” I invited from inside Suni and Wayne’s hugs. “I love you too.”

“What’s all the noise?” Flo leaned over the banister of the landing. “And why are you all hugging like someone died?”

“That’s what I said,” Alison called up to her. “It’s weird to say ‘I love you’ like this, right? Unless someone died.”

“You can pretend someone died if it makes it easier,” Wayne rumbled. I pressed my wet face into his T-shirt to smother my giggle.

“How come you’re crying?” Flo asked suspiciously as she trotted downstairs.

“Sometimes people cry when they’re happy,” I told her, hooking her into the group hug.

“Not me,” she said firmly. She looked up at me, frowning. “You were gone a long time.”