Page 45 of Derecho

Lachlan’s thumb rested under my chin, pushing my face up toward his. “What happened today? I know this isn’t just from seeing him. Did he touch you?”

“He grabbed my arm hard, but I don’t care about that,” I said as I shifted, pushing up away from his chest.

“Hey,” Lach growled, “get your ass back over here.” His arms were spread wide, inviting me back in, but I just shook my head. “We both know you’re not done crying, and I’m holding you until you are.”

“I don’t need⁠—”

“Fine. You don’t need me to hold you. But I need to. I have a feeling what you’re about to tell me is going to be painful for you, and my brain won’t shut the hell up about all the possibilities. So, let me hold you so I can calm my nervous system down, yeah? Remind it that you’re here, and you’re safe?”

I felt my whole body relax as I moved back to him, my head now resting on his shoulder. My belly rested against his side, and Lachlan chuckled as I got kicked.

“He’s active tonight.”

“Always is at night,” I shared. “Doesn’t know he’s meant to be sleeping now.”

“Probably can sense you’re upset.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t even thought of that. My pity party could hurt him. “I don’t deserve him,” I whispered, my hand landing over the little alien’s bum. Or his back. Some part of him was rounded and pushing up against his rapidly shrinking space.

“Whoa…why would you ever think that?”

“I’m so incredibly selfish. And you can’t be selfish and be a good mom. Look at Birdie. Her whole life, she’s been sacrificing things for me. To give me what our selfish mom never could. And Birdie is the best mom. She’s like Dolly. Your mom and my sister are filled with so much unconditional love it pours out of them. I’m so stupid, Lach. I chase after love in all the wrong places where I’ll never find it. Still the same little girl begging to be seen by people who would never want to find her if she was lost. Begging to be chosen.” I cleared my throat, burying my face against the heat of his neck. Jesus, I was practically trying to melt my body into his. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so safe to be so vulnerable. Other than the first night I came here. Lach really was so good to me.

I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be turning his life inside out with my drama.

“You have enough to deal with. I’ll figure this all out. I didn’t mean to dump that on you.”

“I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you got to say it out loud. Because now I can tell you the truth. You should never have had to beg to be loved. It pisses me off that your mom ever walked away from you and Birdie. Birdie didn’t deserve that, which I think you know. But neither did you. And nothing that you’ve done since then, no matter how hard you pushed people away, no matter how many times you tried to make it work with Greg, means that you deserve to be treated how you have been. Nothing you ever did made it okay for him to lay a hand on you. Got it?”

I was silent for a moment before I realized I couldn’t hold the truth in any longer. “He cheated.”

Lachlan scoffed. “That doesn’t surprise me—he’s a fucking lowlife. Is that why you’ve been so upset? He finally admitted that to you today?”

I shook my head. “I met her. She was with him.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“You don’t understand. He was cheating on his wife, Lach. With me. I’m the other woman.”

His whole body went stiff. “I’m really gonna kill him now. Please tell me you told her. That you laid it all for her and he was mortified. Tell me she slapped him and is probably drawing up divorce papers now.”

I sighed, hating the fact that I hadn’t. “He’s selling the house. That’s why all my stuff was on the lawn the next morning. Why he was okay with me running away. All that time he was in Dallas for work…he was staying with her. With his wife. His family. They have a son already.” My chin shook as I forced myself to continue, nausea swelling as two tiny feet shoved up into my stomach. “She was holding him on her hip when she walked up to us.”

“That bastard.”

“She’s pregnant again, too,” I whispered, slapping my hand over my mouth as I rolled away from Lachlan. I’d barely made it to my feet when bile scorched my throat. Thankfully, the bathroom was a clear shot across the hall, and Lach had left my door wide open when he came in.

With my hand under my belly, I made it just in time, my legs buckling in front of the toilet as I retched.

“Christ.” I heard Lachlan shuffle in behind me, the water in the sink running for a second while I continued to lose what little was in my stomach. God. I hadn’t thrown up in months, but it was a thousand times worse now that the invader was so big.

My stomach cramped again, just as my hair was lifted off my neck and a cool washcloth was laid over my skin.

“I’m so sorry, Trouble.” Lachlan’s hand ran circles over my back, just like he’d done before to comfort me.

After another minute of my stomach trying to kill me, I grabbed at the roll of toilet paper, tearing off several sheets before wiping my mouth and flushing away the literal physical representation of how sick I was over the truth of my situation. I moved back, falling on my butt before bringing my hands up to my face. “That’s what I should have said to her. I was planning a whole life with her husband. With the father of her children.”

“He’s the father of your child, too.”