Page 71 of Derecho

“Well, hey there, little one. You’ve got a good set of lungs on you.” Lachlan’s hand rested on the towel that Birdie had draped over the baby’s back.

“Sounds just like Lainey did when she was a newborn.” Birdie’s eyes glistened as she and Lachlan gently rubbed the baby’s body. Not the baby. My baby. He was really mine. And he was here. And he wasn’t an alien after all.

I closed my eyes again, my head falling back as every inch of my body shook with exhaustion. Never in a million years would I have expected Lachlan to press a kiss to my sweaty temple, but that’s exactly what he did.

“Good job, sweetheart. You did such a good job.” Lachlan’s hand swept back my hair.

“Lainey, do you want to cut the cord?”

“No. I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m so tired. You do it, Birdie. I mean, will you?”

“Of course I will.”

My eyes drifted shut again, this time suspending me somewhere between full consciousness and sleep. I heard conversations happening around me, but couldn’t have told a soul alive what was actually being said.

I felt someone’s warm hand press against my forehead, sweeping back over my head. Again and again, the touch and pressure allowed me to sink deeper into the abyss.

“Lainey…”

“Hm?” I wasn’t ready to come up for air yet. I wasn’t ready to be responsible for myself, let alone a tiny, helpless human. I jerked awake, my arms jolting up to land against my belly. “The baby…”

“He’s right here.” Birdie rushed to my side. “You were resting, and I just grabbed him to give a quick once over. He’s doing beautifully, and I think he’d even be ready to nurse if you’re up for it?”

Lachlan cleared his throat, still stuck wedged behind me on the bed.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I said, turning to look up at him. “I trapped you in here.”

“Wasn’t trapped.” He smiled, his face glistening. Had he cried? I reached up to brush away the moisture, but he took my hand before I could make it to his face and pressed a kiss against my wrist. “There’s no other place I wanted to be. Thank you for letting me be here.”

The faint sound of sirens filled the warm air between us.

“About time they got their asses out here,” he muttered as Birdie positioned the baby back in my arms.

He was so tiny. So fragile. And when I looked at him I felt…exhausted. My body was still in pain, although the relief of pushing him out was still coursing through my veins. There wasn’t anything magical about this experience. There was nothing that clicked into place the moment I saw him. Clouds didn’t part. Angels didn’t sing. I didn’t feel anything other than grateful that the worst pain I’d felt in my entire life had finally stopped.

Looking at him now, this tiny creature felt…like a stranger. A stranger who now was counting solely on me. Heat flooded my face. And then my eyes filled with the tears I’d been trying so hard to hold back.

They poured down my face, their heat burning shame for my awful feelings onto my skin. How could a mother think that about their baby? That we were strangers? We’d just spent nine months together…nine months where I didn’t try to connect with him for a single second. And now I needed to know everything about him.

“Lainey?”

I heard the panic in Lachlan’s voice, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“It’s completely normal,” Birdie reassured me. Or maybe she was reassuring Lachlan. I couldn’t tell you, because I couldn’t see past the tears. “Why don’t you move out from behind Lainey and then you can take the baby for a minute while she decompresses.”

I felt the loss of his physical support immediately, and my body responded by sobbing even harder.

Their conversation continued around me.

“Is she going to be okay?”

“Yeah. She will be. Here, why don’t you two say hello to each other?”

“He’s so little. What if I hurt him?”

“No littler than Connor when you met him for the first time.”

“He was over a week old…”