Page 76 of Derecho

“I wasn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to touch you or him without making sure my hands are clean.”

“Oh.” Lainey laughed, but it was frozen, emotionless. I slid my hand under the automatic dispenser for the antibacterial gel, and rubbed my hands together for a full count of ten before dispensing more and continuing the tally to twenty-six.

“Lach, your hands are good. Please come over here.”

I could hear the wavering in her voice, and I knew she was on the edge of falling apart. Pressing my clean hand back onto the grip of my cane, I made my way over to the hospital bed.

I hadn’t sat in one since my last surgery. My body suddenly felt hot—really hot. The closer I got to getting back in, the more that familiar sense of panic hit. I lifted my eyes off the mattress. Lainey was there. And so was the baby. I loved getting to hold him as the medics were getting Lainey ready for transfer. I’d never held a baby that little before.

Sure, I’d gotten to hold my nephews when they were a few days old, but Lainey’s baby had just been born. I was one of the first people his eyes ever looked at. I couldn’t remember if I heard Lainey say it, or Birdie, but I sat on the edge of the bed and told him how loved he was. That I’d look after him and his mama for as long as I could.

It wasn’t hard to sit on the bed after that. I wrapped my arm up and over Lainey’s shoulders, and she turned, pressing her face into my chest. Jesus, this felt so fucking right. My free arm moved across my body, so my hand could press over the baby’s back, even as Lainey still held on to him tightly.

“Why am I…c-crying?”

“Adrenaline crash. Hormones. Just being a human.”

“I hate it.”

“Shhh. I won’t tell anyone you cried.”

“You better not.”

I chuckled. Under all the tears and worry, my girl was still in there.

No. Not my girl. My friend. And, oh, fuck…

I finally recognized what I was feeling.

That calm that washed over me knowing they were safe.

That feeling of wanting to be the one that always made them feel that way.

The hole that felt like it was eating me alive in just the few short hours we were apart.

I knew I was holding my family—my future, my everything—in my arms.

Lainey’s breath shuddered, and she pulled her face away from my chest.

“What?” I asked.

“This is like…” She paused while I reached up and wiped at her face. “Are you okay, being here?”

“This is right where I want to be.”

Her eyes rolled as she adjusted her hold on the baby. “I don’t buy that for a single second.”

“Holding you and this little guy?”

“Maybe. But being in the hospital. Aren’t you…are you⁠—”

“I’m honestly not sure if I’m okay. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I think that was just because of how worried I was that you were upset or in danger. Now that I know you are both okay…it’s manageable. It’s not…not as bad as I was thinking it would be. Besides, I’m not going anywhere with you getting discharged soon. I’ll drive you both home.”

“Lach, Birdie and I were talking⁠—”

“No.”

“I think⁠—”