Page 79 of Derecho

“Lainey?” Lachlan moved behind me, but I leaned forward, taking him out of Dolly’s arms and turning before he could stop me. I rushed up the stairs, slowing only when the image of me falling with him in my arms flashed in my mind. The sickening thought of hurting him made my stomach roll.

I walked down the hallway to our bedroom, grabbing the baby wipes off the nightstand before I sat in bed with him. The wipe was cold as I took it out of the package, and I knew it would wake him to wipe it across his face, but washing off anything that Dolly could have left on his skin was my priority.

Just like I knew he would, Reid fussed as soon as the wipe brushed over his cheek. I kept wiping, but it wasn’t enough to calm the voice in my head. I needed to wash his skin with soap.

And that’s exactly what I was doing when Lachlan came upstairs.

“Are you okay?” he asked, filling the doorway.

“No,” I seethed.

“What happened?”

“I can’t do it anymore! I can’t keep having people come in and out of here, constantly holding him. I need your family to just stay away.”

“I’m sorry, Lainey. I know they can be overwhelming. I should have seen that their visits were too much. You just looked so happy⁠—”

“Well, I’m not!” I said, a little too much emotion running through my voice. “I’m not,” I forced myself to say calmer as I dried Reid’s cheek. His uncomfortable grunts had turned into full blown shrieks while I made sure the soap was on his skin for the right amount of time to hopefully stop anything harmful that Dolly’s kiss might have left behind. “I need to feed Reid. Would you mind letting me through?”

“Sorry,” he grunted as he took two steps back. I walked into our room, and for the first time since we brought Reid home, I slammed the door closed behind me.

Lachlan

Ipaced across the back porch, my eyes up on the window where I knew Lainey and Reid were resting. She hadn’t answered when I’d brought her a plate for dinner. I didn’t know how to fix whatever she was so upset at, and process the letter that had come in the mail at the same time.

The letter from Dakota.

My leg ached, because of course it did. Any time I thought about the accident it made the pain worse. Because so much of it was trapped in my head.

The pressure in my chest was getting worse. My legs buckled, and I crumpled on the old rocking chair. What the fuck was I supposed to do with his letter? I didn’t want his apology. He said what he had to say to me after the accident, and I told him we were done. The way he’d hurt me, I could understand. I could forgive him. But what Jessie went through because he got mixed up with the wrong people. No, I couldn’t—I wouldn’t—invite him back into my life.

“Hey, why the SOS? You okay?” Colt asked as he climbed the steps and sat next to me.

“No. Not even close to it.”

“Spill.” No nonsense. Exactly what I needed.

“Something’s going on with Lainey. I’m trying everything I can think of to help her during the day, but she’s acting like she’s a burden, and it’s killing me.”

“Postpartum is a really hard time. A really fucking hard time, Lach. And she’s doing it almost completely alone.”

“But she’s not alone. I’m here. I’m her friend. I’m trying to show her she can lean on me.”

“I’m sure you are. But if she’s worried about being a burden, then in her mind, she has no one to ask for help without fear of it tipping the scales. She’s told you how Greg was. She’s having to try and rewire her brain to recognize safety while also having it completely changed by becoming a mom.”

Fuck. He was right.

“You want me to have Vi come over and talk to her? Sometimes it’s easier for them to open up to each other. Mother to mother. I know Vi leaned a lot into time with Ma after Connor was born. Maybe you could ask Mom to stop in more⁠—”

“I think that’s the literal last thing Lainey would want,” I groaned.

Colt’s eyebrows pulled together. “Why?”

“She sort of screamed at Ma today.”

“What? Why?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea. One second Ma was holding Reid, talking about how my hair looked like his at that age, and the next, Lainey was rushing over to scoop him out of her arms.”