Page 118 of All Our Nevers

“I may never be good enough,” Owen continues, “but I want to be. For you, I want to be better. And what a gift that is, Lia. To want something again. To—to love again, even if it's not returned.”

A knot ties itself in my throat, crawling up and tightening behind my eyes. Thunder rolls again, subsonic and trembling.

He’s close enough now for me to see the pleading crease between his brows. “If you want me to leave, I swear I will. I’ll go and never bother you again. I know I’ve been doing things wrong this whole time and I fucking hate myself for that—”

“You haven’t—”

“—but I won’t be like him, Lia. I swear it. If you want me to, I’ll go. But...”

A flash of lightning—purple-white slanting across his face. My heart is metal waiting to be struck by it.

“But what?”

He presses his eyes shut. “But despite everything, despite the fact that I’m broken and bitter and scarred, I still want you to choose me. I still want you to—to love me. Because for me, there’s never been a choice. I’m in love with you. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

He loves me.

He’s in love with me.

My gut and my heart twist against each other, fighting through logic and emotion.

I excavate all the vows I made to myself—that I would never be vulnerable again. That I would never need someone else to make me feel whole. That I would never leave my heart exposed.

But also, the things I never dared admit. That I don’t want my heart to be safe. That I want it to be exposed and raw and seditious. That I want it to run wild and betray me with the strength of its feelings, then be caught tenderly in someone else’s hands.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit, clutching the hem of my skirt against the storm. “With work, with Connor, with… you. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about any of it. All my plans are falling apart.” I choke on the last word, a pathetic, sputtering sound.

“Lia,” he mouths, too soft to be heard over the gathering storm.

“And I have all these rules for myself,” I explain. “The things I can never forget, or never allow. And I think I forgot how to let them go, how to change my mind. I’m trying to unlearn it but it might take a long time, Owen. And I might never figure it all out.” I laugh as I say, “I think I need some serious therapy.”

He smiles, but it’s pain and desperation. “We can figure it out together. Even if you don’t love me back, just let me help. I will do anything to be near you again.”

The first drops of rain fall, freezing freckles across my nose, my cheeks, my hands. The remaining feet between us are a gaping cavern and it may be impulsive, may not be what I planned, but I have no choice but to leap over it.

The words spill out of me. “I missed you so much. It’s only been a few days and I’ve been going crazy without you.”

Hope swells in his eyes, and my chest inflates with it.

“And I think I have an idea about what to do, with—with Connor, but I would need your help, and I thought you were giving up on me. I thought I ruined it. I finally pushed you too far and—”

Then he’s there, hands on my waist, urgency in each fingertip. “You could never push me too far. I’m so fucking in love with you, Lia. I’m helpless with it, no matter what you do.”

His eyes scan mine, searching for fear or worry or disapproval. What he finds there instead is a small, teasing spark.

“You love me that much, huh?”

His exhale is a laugh. “I am pathetically in love with you.”

My hands press into his chest, then slide up over his shoulders.

“That would be pretty embarrassing,” I say, fighting against the tremble in my voice, “if I weren’t pathetically in love with you too.”

Then his lips crash into mine—insistent, warm, loving. He consumes me and offers himself in return, taking and giving, and it's never felt like this before. Like I’m home.

The rain picks up, falling in sheets around us. We’re instantly drenched except for the place where our bodies press together. And that’s when I hear it—over the rain and thunder and our shared breaths—the sound of… cheering?

I look to the left.