Page 43 of Ruin

My mother’s eyes lifted from her book as she greeted me with a smile, slipping the bookmark between the worn pages and sitting it gently on the nightstand next to her hospital bed. As I neared her bedside, I noticed her frame had thinned since our last visit a week ago. Her body was beginning to swim in the floral flannel pajamas I had given her for Mother’s Day.

I gave her a gentle hug, taking a deep breath of her lavender scent with a hint of powder before turning to my father. He was staring with intensity out the window. The blinds were drawn back to let in sunlight and reveal the garden beyond the glass barrier. The leaves of a large tree blew gently right outside, as small birds hopped from branch to branch, soaking in the summer sun. My father’s eyes watched the birds in a trance-like state as he lay in his bed, covered up to his neck in the plush blues and purples of one of my mother’s hand-knit blankets.

I felt my mother grab my hand and squeeze it lightly as I relaxed the concern that had spread across my face. She spoke to me as her comforting hazel eyes stared from behind the glare of her metal-rimmed glasses. “He’s just having some cognitive issues here and there. Zoning out. That’s all. No need for concern.”

I looked up at my father once more, noticing the smile creeping up from the corners of his wrinkled mouth as he watched the birds flutter about. The reflection of their small, strong bodies moved across his green eyes. I felt momentary relief as I realized that at this moment, he was in far more peace than he usually was. His face, worn from all his years with deep smile lines and forehead wrinkles, was relaxed.

He looks happy.

“Am I going to be able to talk to him?” I asked my mother as I slid into the vintage blue corduroy recliner from my childhood home that sat in the corner of the room, angled toward her bedside.

My mother glanced toward my father and smiled with satisfaction. “Maybe. Maybe not. He’s happy and comfortable, though. Of course, I will let him know you were here.”

I rocked gently in the chair as I, too, watched the birds outside the window, their movements putting me into a haze of contentment. We sat in silence for a while as my mother picked up her book to read again, and I stayed in my hypnotic state of birdwatching. I wanted the peace my father had, and there was something soothing about watching the birds’ blue and black blur as they moved from branch to branch.

“You’re here on a weekday…that’s unusual. What do we owe the pleasure?” my mother asked as she rested her book in her lap and shifted her frail body in my direction.

“I have big news.” I smiled as I leaned forward with excitement. “I am leaving for a work trip tomorrow, so I wanted to come see you today. It’s a short trip, so I will be back on Sunday.”

“California again?” she asked, her brows raising.

“No…” I replied, my smile getting bigger as my face and chest began to fill with warmth. I let the pause sit as I scanned her face, admiring the flutters of curiosity that began to poke through. “Italy.”

“Oh my God,” my mother gasped, bringing her pale hands to cover her mouth as her eyes widened.

“Brian’s wife is close to giving birth, and he can’t go,” I gushed with excitement. “It’s the most gorgeous vineyard about two hours from Naples, right on the sea.”

“I am so happy for you!” my mother exclaimed as she reached her arms toward me, beckoning me for a hug.

I pulled myself from the grips of the recliner and walked to her. “Thanks, Mom,” I uttered my response quietly into her ear as my cheek pressed up against hers, the purple satin scarf tied tightly against her head gently brushing against mine.

As I pulled away and settled back down into the recliner, I continued, “It’s a quick trip. Not a lot of time to do anything. Just a mere twenty-four hours…which sucks. But it’s something.” My shoulders shrugged as I tried to hide the glimmers of disappointment that lay dormant under my excitement.

“It is something. Maybe it will inspire you to get out of your comfort zone, travel more.” My mother winked, giving me the impression that she was alluding to me finding a new man.

The breakup with Alex was as crushing to my parents as it was to me. Even though they were never crazy about him, I always got the impression that they desperately hoped I would find someone. I could only imagine that my dying parents wanted to know that I was loved and happy before leaving me.

“Maybe.” I winked back with a gentle laugh. “Money is always so tight, so it’s hard to afford trips. Maybe if I close this deal the company will send me on more work trips. I wouldn’t mind free travel.”

“You’ve worked there a long time. I am sure they see you and know what you’re capable of. I sure do.” My mother glanced back toward my father. “I know he would be excited for you too. I will tell him everything, don’t worry,” she said with a reassuring smile, her voice filled with pride. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be. I packed. I have my travel documents. The company credit card was overnighted and got here this morning. I wish I knew a bit more Italian, but I guess I can study on the nine-hour flight…”

I started to ramble, and my mother quickly interrupted to refocus me. “That sounds like a really great use of your time. Will you call us when you land? And when you get to your hotel? And…” Now she was the one rambling.

“Absolutely.” I smiled as I cut her off. “I will call you all the time. I promise,” I said with a nod. “So, what’s new with you? How’s treatment going?” I asked, fighting off the frown that was beginning to force itself from the corners of my mouth. There was something about discussing her illness that pulled the corners of my mouth into a frown as if weights were hanging from them. It was extremely difficult to fight, but I fought it for her.

“Nothing new. Just reading Pride and Prejudice for the hundredth time. I can never get enough of it, I swear.” She sighed as she patted the worn spine of the paperback.

“Pride and Prejudice…again? I can bring you more books, Mom.” I sighed with a tinge of frustration.

Why won’t she let me do more to keep her comfortable and her time occupied?

So stubborn.

She shrugged. “I know. I just love the classics. Mister Darcy still does it for me.”

We both locked eyes and giggled. She always had a sense of humor that was surprising for a former elementary school teacher.