Page 5 of Basket Case

I hung up and instantly regretted calling her. If this was all just an alcohol-induced dream - and the chances of that were close to a hundred per cent - I'd be very embarrassed in the morning.

She will not answer while she is playing darts.

“How do you know about the darts?”

She has played every Thursday for the past nine years.

I lowered the phone. “You know Gran?”

I know every MacRae who has kept me.

That didn’t make me feel better.

“What are you?”

The basket gave a dry creak. Several strands loosened around the kale root and stretched over the edge of the shelf as if reaching for me.

Fae.

I snort-laughed. “Of course you are.”

You do not believe me.

“You’re a talking basket with a vegetable penis. I’m struggling to believe any part of this.”

The vegetable was merely the offering. I improved it.

“You ate my kale?”

You fed it to me on the eve of Samhain. It was the traditional offering required to wake me.

“I put it in a basket because I thought that was better than throwing it away.”

And it woke me nonetheless.

One of the longer strands curled around the pantry shelf. The basket slid forwards, as if it was trying to walk.

“Wait!”

I rushed to catch it before it hit the floor. Both hands closed around the wicker sides, and a deep groan filled my head. It sounded like the basket was aroused.

I nearly dropped it. “What was that?”

You touched me.

“I touched you earlier!"

I was asleep earlier. Now I can feel you.

I sat him on the kitchen table and wiped my palms on my jeans. That felt silly. The wicker was dry and clean. I could still remember the groan, though. It had sounded like a man who hadn’t been touched in a very long time.

The cock remained angled towards me. Up close, I could see how hundreds of fine strands had wound together to make it. The surface looked smooth, although I wasn’t planning to test that with any sensitive body parts.

“Can you read my thoughts?”

I couldn't believe I was taking this seriously. That I actually entertained the idea that this basket was sentient.

No.