Page 42 of Knot Your Kismet

“You don’t have to say anything back,” I say quickly, hoping she relaxes again.

She doesn’t respond, falling quiet. I wish I could read her mind. I wish I could decipher the sudden shift in her scent.

I’m losing her. I feel it with every fiber of my being.

Shit.

Fucking hell.

24

Priorities

Calista

Something is wrong with me. The moment Lucas told me he loved me, I felt my whole body shut down. It’s like it rejects being loved by someone. My mind argues otherwise, yet I couldn’t respond. It’s all so confusing.

And somehow, he manages to stay present with me. It took him a few minutes to move on from my awkwardness, but now he lies beside me, breathing lightly as he naps.

I caress my fingers down his neck, mapping his skin with my touch. He doesn’t stir, resting so easily in a way that makes me jealous. But I can’t sleep right now. My mind swirls with too many thoughts. Why are my mind and body so stubborn? Things could be easy. It’s as if I can’t live without complications. I know a lot of people wouldn’t understand, and sometimes, I don’t either, but it’s just how it’s been with me. I never wanted to live a life like my mother. She always looked so sad. She worried about everything, but especially me. She was never the omega to love her life. At least, until she met Henry. I could barely imagine how that went. My biological father abused her. Mentally and physically. It took him going after me to get her to leave. I’m sure she was afraid when she met Henry, because I’m sure my dad wasn’t always a monster. Well, he wasn’t always openly evil. He was once someone my mom thought she loved. All of that trauma molded my whole personality into what it is now, and even though the Kismet brothers are everything I could want and dream about, a part of me is still afraid. Things change. People change. My faith has been shaken too much to believe that my life could be good from here. It’s like I want to jeopardize things just to prove myself right, that a good life for me is impossible.

Lucas’s phone glows from my nightstand, and I reach over him and pick it up. We haven’t heard from his brothers yet, but I know Nolan told him to keep an eye out for him.

Nolan: Meet me in the office. Don’t bring Cali.

Me: Okay.

I don’t tell Nolan that Lucas is sleeping, because my curiosity could never make me stay when he doesn’t want me to come to him. He’d rather keep me in the dark on everything than have me worry. Except I know what they’ve been doing. I’m not stupid. I know that they’re worried about Pack Loomis and the possibility of them retaliating.

Kissing Lucas softly on his forehead, I ease out of my bed and quietly pad across the room. I’m not going to wake him up for his brother. Nolan can face me himself and tell me what the hell is going on. This isn’t exactly the distraction I was looking for, but it will do. I need to reel myself in until my mind can sort out my emotions.

I exit my room and head toward the elevator, taking it downstairs to the main floor. I make my way past the dining hall and to where Henry’s old office resides. Nolan still hasn’t picked a bedroom, and I wonder if he’s waiting for me to invite him into my space so he doesn’t have to. It’s common for a pack leader to share a room with the pack omega.

The estate remains silent as the house staff keeps out of the way. I think Nolan has everyone on paid leave except for the chef and one of the housekeepers. This was a result of Robbie proceeding with a bonding contract without any of our permission.

I push the thought away. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that Georgia will come through for me. I’ll get the life I want, and the Kismet Pack will be safe. There won’t be any power struggles. The people will continue their lives as they’ve always had in the sleepy town of Poppy Cove.

Exhaling a breath, I open the office door and catch sight of Nolan sitting at the desk. I don’t see Jensen anywhere and wonder what he’s up to. I thought this would be a small brotherly meeting.

Nolan immediately jerks his head up to look at me, his eyes a mixture of annoyance and something else. Something that softens as I shut the door. He can’t stay annoyed with me for long, and this proves it.

My heart flutters as his face turns from stern into a soft smile.

“I should’ve known that you would come since I asked Lucas not to bring you.” Nolan pushes back from the desk and makes space in front of him. He holds his arms open and waits for me to close the space to him.

He pulls me into his lap and buries his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling a breath of my skin. I shiver under his warmth and turn slightly until our lips meet. Affection comes so easily with him that it’s as if it’s my second nature. It’s as easy as breathing. I can’t seem to get enough of it.

“I’m sorry I took so long. I had to make sure our town was safe. I had a meeting with Pack Loomis and they’re working with us to find those rejected bastards. I also had to meet with the council for their approval. They’d like to have a town meeting before proceeding with our contract.” Nolan turns back to my neck, hiding whatever expression he might have.

“What do you mean they want a town meeting? I thought they would be happy that I’ve agreed to take on the position of the Kismet Omega. They already thought I would.” My heart begins to race the more I think about it. We need approval from our entire pack to be on board with my sterilization. And now I’m nervous.

“You don’t have to be there. They would prefer to have just my brothers and me for questioning. I think they’re unnecessarily concerned on our behalf. They don’t know our situation. They don’t know us like they knew my dad, because my dad kept it that way. He wanted our family to not have to worry too much about politics. He wanted us to focus on everything else.” Nolan sighs against my throat.

“I want to be there for you,” I say, my voice a whisper. “We’re in this together.”

“We are, but it’s best to respect their wishes. It’s going to be okay. Don’t stress about it. We will have everyone on board, and the contract will be signed.” Nolan pulls away from my neck to look me in the eyes. “I promise. They’ll see that this is beyond a transaction now. We’re not doing this just for the pack but for each other.”

His words do something to me, and I close my eyes, pushing back the tears. It’s the same feeling I had when Lucas told me he loved me. It’s my very being rejecting the idea once again. I don’t understand why I’m like this.