Page 16 of Goalie interference

I didn’t even want to know why his not being into me made my chest feel like that.

Chapter 8

Ash

Playing with pain had become so normal for me that I had forgotten what it felt like to just enjoy playing. I wasn’t overcompensating, and I was only slightly favoring my left leg now–according to Thayer.

Playing felt like fun again.

Thayer and I built out a system that worked for us. I would text him when it started hurting, and he’d tell me what to do until he got to me–it was usually just stay fucking still. He got so testy when I'd try to walk it off or something, scolding me for it when he finally got to me and was working it out.

Whether that was in the privacy of a training room or with a lot of effort in a room like my dorm. I would just bite back the noises the best I could, but it felt noticeably not as good.

It was a quick solve–just meant to hold me over until he could properly work it out in a training room.

And no more unnecessary calls for him to do it.

It had been working for us for the last few weeks, and it was working for our games–we were winning. I wasn’t getting as worn out or beaten down. I’d only been taken out of one game, and it was my call. I told Thayer I was pretty sure the other team was gunning to injure me, and he agreed, so he pulled me and sent in Tommy.

Thayer was upholding his end of the deal, and I was doing my best–it was hard to even admit to myself when something was hurting me, but to another person?

Pfft.

“Calm. Down,” Thayer said slowly, handing me a new water bottle after mine casually made its way across the ice and into the back of one of Kalamazoo's players. “What’s wrong?”

What wasn’t wrong–wasn’t he watching?

Kalamazoo was boxing me like a fish, and our team was nowhere. I had no backup defense, so blocking was all fine and dandy, but they were catching me on rebounds. I was floundering out there because our team was fucking allergic to our own zone–clearly.

“I’m on my own out there–I don’t have a single D at my net, and they’re bulldozing me,” I huffed, snatching the water bottle from his hand and squirting some into my mouth. “Are you even watching?”

“I’m watching you,” he said calmly, nodding once at me. “My job isn’t to watch the rest of the game–it's to watch you. Make sure you have what you need, so you need a play swap? I’ll let Reed know.”

Something deep and…unsettling fluttered in my lower stomach–a feeling I'd been biting back for weeks now.

Thayer would say something like that–I was watching you, my only concern is you–and instead of feeling supported and appreciated, I felt…gooey. It would make my insides feel thick and syrupy, and my outsides would get warm and uncomfortable.

Don’t even get me started on I’m proud of you or you did a great job, Ash.

My anger–which I’d been stoking for the whole third period–started quelling instantly.

I hated that I wasn’t living up to my reputation for Thayer, but at the same time, it was kind of nice to not be losing my shit all the time. It was nice not feeling like I had to be guarded all the time and like I could relax for a minute.

And Thayer wasn’t that bad of a guy–we actually had a lot in common.

My dad wasn’t much of a sports guy, but he had great taste in music, which happened to be the same as Thayer's. I may have been twenty-one, but I was an only child who really did believe my parents were my best friends growing up, so things lined up a lot for us.

Thayer kept being surprised by me while I was just trying to sort through the weird feelings he stirred up when he said certain things or did certain things.

Touched certain things.

“Calm down, Ash–getting angry won't fix it,” Thayer reminded me, sending me off as the timeout ended.

Our team was down by one with only two minutes left in the game. I had low expectations that anything would really change, but I still bit back my anger and stabilized in my net–became the wall again.

An immovable object.

The play started, and our team lost the faceoff, readying me for a very long two minutes. I was trying to remain positive, but when Kalamazoo took their shot and I blocked it, I was let down even further by the horn blowing in my ear a second later.