Page 31 of Goalie interference

“Okay, I didn't fuck a guy,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes as irritation for her grew–she always put words in my mouth. “You weren’t talking to me, I assumed we were broken up, and I started having feelings for a guy…who I then let suck me off–very different things.”

“So, you’re gay now? That’s why you couldn’t get it up for me?” she scoffed, hand on her hip and a pissed-as-hell expression on her face. “You didn’t seem so gay when you were fucking me last year with no problem.”

“Hey! I got hurt,” I argued, shouting a little louder than I might have meant, but she was pushing my buttons. “I told you that was it, and it was–I’m bi or something. I still think you’re pretty, and I'd fuck you right now if–”

“If you weren’t dating a man–glad to know you found morals for him and not me,” she scoffed, shoving my shoulder. “Whatever–go fuck yourself, Ash. Good luck–I heard fags in pro sports do great.”

My stomach dropped in a very foreign way. I couldn’t put my finger on what that new feeling was sitting at the base of my gut, but I knew that I definitely didn’t like it.

Callie stormed out of my dorm, for hopefully the last time, slamming the door behind her. I stomped over and locked it, kicking it once to vent some anger, but all it did was hurt my fucking foot.

Fuck her–that wasn't cool. I got that technically cheating on her was also not cool, come on! Calling me a slur and pointing out a fact that I already knew?

That was low.

There weren't very many openly out guys in pro sports–Thayer was technically out, but he wasn't open about it at work. When he played, his teams knew, but the press didn’t, and fans didn’t, because that would have made him the first fully out hockey player in the NHL.

There were rumors for other players, but none of them ever fessed up–at least not until they retired.

It was very much a consequence I understood. I knew what dating Thayer would do to me–I just no longer cared. I cared that he didn’t get fired–he was the best coach I'd ever had, unrelated to the extracurriculars he was doing with me.

I cared that his reputation wasn’t shot, but mine?

I cared very little about it.

Times had changed, and I was a mean motherfucker–I knew that. If anyone was going to strut around the NHL with a fag poster on their back, then it could easily be me. I had thick enough skin, and sure, maybe it would turn certain teams off from drafting me, but not all of them.

Still, fuck Callie.

By the time I was at the rink, I was still heated. I was trying to let it go because she just wasn’t worth being this angry over–a concept I'd never really grasped before, but was starting to now. I was still irritable and upset, which put off my usual aura of don't fuck with me when I stormed into the locker room.

My routine was perfectly in sync before all this–Thayer knew it well by now, and even sucked my soul out of my body before sending me home to do homework and dump Callie.

I should have been fine, but I forgot to knock on the wall when I came in, and I felt all out of whack!

“Ash!” Thayer called out when I passed his office, hell-bent on getting back on track by knocking on the wall by the door.

I didn’t answer, but that didn’t stop him from coming out after me and following me curiously. I opened the door, stepped outside of it, let it shut, reopened it, and knocked on the wall.

It settled a little part of me, but not enough.

“Ash,” Thayer said calmly, slowly, stopping me from barreling back down the hallway to get changed. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing–leave me alone,” I muttered, pushing out of his hold.

Part of me expected him to grab me, stop me, but that would go against the boundaries we just set that morning.

A larger part of me was sad that he didn't even try.

The team left me alone while I got changed, letting me go about my routine with no more mistakes. I made it out to the ice unscathed, but still so angry, my skin overheating and tight–I felt like I was boiling on the inside.

Now that I knew how easy it was to tame the anger and how nice it could feel once it was gone, I hated it–I hated this part of me. I still had the passion and the fire that came with it, but I no longer liked the sear of the anger left behind.

Chapter 15

Thayer

Ash was playing like crap.