Page 50 of Goalie interference

It was almost instant how far away Ash was once I was out–I hated it. I was sure that the feeling would level out–that we were both just coming down from a very intimate and bonding feeling, but right now?

Right now, he felt like he wasn’t even mine anymore, and he was still naked in my bed.

“I don’t like it,” Ash said shakily, turning over in bed to face me.

His face was trembling and red already, big blue eyes rimmed with red as he wrapped his arms around himself…comforting himself.

“I don’t want to break up–”

“Hey, no one said that,” I said quickly, settling on my side to be level with him and already fighting my hand from reaching out to touch him. “I don’t want that either, Ash–”

“But I don’t trust you now.”

I felt every word like a bullet in my chest. I already knew that, but knowing that and hearing those words from his pouty lips were two wildly different things.

“We had a deal, and I trusted you, but you didn’t trust me–you pulled me, and I was fine,” he croaked, his voice catching every few words. “I was just having a really bad day, and then my boyfriend broke our promise–almost two of them.”

“And I shouldn’t have done that,” I said calmly, fisting my hand under the blanket to fight the urge to wipe that stray tear off his cheek. “I won't do that again, Ash… I promise–”

“And how do I know you’ll keep that one?” he asked earnestly, not to be an asshole.

He really needed me to mean it and prove it to him.

Because he didn’t want to not come back home to me, as much as I didn’t.

He didn’t need a new promise–he just needed me to mean it this time.

“Because I can’t lose you, Ash,” I whispered, untucking my hand and offering it flat on the bed for him to choose to touch me, if he wanted to. “I’ll fix it–I’ll make it right, but I can’t lose you, baby.”

Ash let out a whimper, sinking his teeth into his lip before hesitantly reaching out. I watched him debate it, staring at my hand like it wasn’t familiar to him, before closing his eyes and dropping his hand into mine.

I wasn’t wasting my inch.

He held my hand and fell forward, into my chest, only letting go to take hold of my side. Ash buried his face into my neck, clinging to me again and dispelling the cold, empty feeling I’d had since I pulled out of him.

We weren’t fixed, but my God, did it feel good to have him back, even just a little bit.

It would take time–I knew that.

He wouldn’t come back all at once, and we’d have bumps for sure, but we weren’t doing this again. I wasn’t risking losing my great thing in this life, so even if it took some rewiring in my brain, I was keeping him.

Mine to take care of, and mine to love.

“I love you, too,” Ash mumbled into my chest, his warm, soft lips pressing against my skin–a kindness and sweetness I really didn’t deserve yet.

Ash untucked his head, tilting it up slowly, cautiously, pressing his lips to mine again. I knew I always missed kissing Ash, but feeling his lips on mine now was a release of pressure in my head that had been debilitating.

He draped a hand on the side of my neck, pulling himself up more, and pushing me onto my back.

Before last night, we’d been having sex a lot, and Ash never cared to be in control in any way. He liked the mental break he got from giving it all to me, knowing he’d get taken care of thoroughly.

But today, he was straddling my waist and weighing me down on our bed.

His lips were on mine like magnets, stuck to them as he reached between us and moved awkwardly, stuttering out hot breaths on my face when he finally started taking me again.

His eyes rolled back, and his spine arched before he sat up straight, pressing warm hands to my stomach for stability.

Ash's mouth was stuck open, his eyes squeezed shut at the new feeling for both of us.