Page 75 of Sparrow

I pause, my mind running through all the possible responses to that, and try to figure out whether I should say anything. Because I’ve had thoughts since Arden fainted again.

Thoughts I don’t like.

And I’m not sure I can keep them to myself.

“Or we’re going to be the death of her,” I finally say. My voice sounds broken and defeated. Frightened.

I sound like a kid who’s just realized he has to put his dog down.

Mars responds more quickly than I expected. “Yeah. If she’s this sick...”

“... Maybe we need to get her home, where they can look after her,” I finish.

I should have known Mars was thinking the same thing I am. I started this whole adventure saying we needed to send her home, but my reasoning was different. I thought she’d be safer there, away from the men who were trying to hurt her.

I never realized that she might actually be too sick to stay in Wood.

But now that I know that, the idea of keeping her here feels wrong. If staying here is hurting her, then keeping her would be selfish.

Something we were doing for our own reasons, rather than her own good.

But the thought of sending her away feels like it’s breaking me clean down the center, and I’m not sure that’s any better.

“I’m not sure I can let her go,” I whisper.

“That makes two of us.”

We don’t say anything else. Just sit there drinking our whiskey without making any decisions. I don’t know where we go from here. I don’t know how we manage to keep her safe or healthy or even alive.

But I know that sending her away will break all three of us.

And I know that Mars and I have both just admitted to the same thing.

We’ve started imagining a future with her in it, and the possibility of giving that up is almost unbearably painful.

Orion

Itake one corner, then another, sinking into the feel of the bike and letting the roar of the engine block out the sound of the world around me. The landscape is dark, the trees nothing more than shadows rising above the road, and I’m alone for the first time in way too long. I spent the day with Arden in her room, trying to get her to tell me what’s wrong, and then with the doctor, trying to get him to do more than measure her heartbeat.

“It’s erratic, but that’s what I’d expect from a girl who’s just been attacked,” he said, his voice intentionally mellow. “I don’t think there’s anything to see here, Orion. You’ve got a girl who faints when there’s too much stress. That’s not that uncommon.”

He’s wrong, though, because she doesn’t just faint when there’s stress. She puts her hand to her heart every time there’s too much emotion, as if she’s checking on it. And she doesn’t just faint. She gets as pale as a sheet of paper and shaky. Her eyes go wide with fright in a way that breaks my heart. And when she wakes up, she pretends it’s nothing.

That she’s not at all concerned about it happening again.

And though the doctor insists she’s just fainting and that it could happen at any time, her behavior tells me that it’s not just some random thing. She knows what’s going on, I’m sure of it.

She just won’t tell me.

And that part...

That part hurts more than anything else.

If she’d tell us, we could fix it. Figure out how to handle it and make sure she’s okay. Instead, Mars and I are left guessing, and that’s going to lead directly to us sending her home to people who presumably do know what’s wrong with her.

Though I still don’t know whether they care. After all, they didn’t find the kidnappers who had her for months. They must have had the chance, and they certainly have the means. She’s said herself that her family has money.

If they were asked for ransom money, they should have given it.