Page 47 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“Burning Blue” by Mariah the Scientist

Ethic entered the room, and it felt like a whole different world. Everything had been reset. He had no idea he was walking into a landmine. The vanilla musk that fragranced the air was like a trigger that instantly calmed him, releasing the tension from his broad shoulders. Candles flickered, filling the room with warmth, and casting a glow over the walls. Just her presence set a mood in the space, in the entire home, in fact. Since she had retreated to Susan Street, these walls had felt sterile. Ethic was a man who enjoyed order. He prided himself on discipline and routine and stillness. Alani had come into his life like a wrecking ball and brought beautiful chaos into his life. Without her, everything had been too quiet, too neat, but just being here when he arrived, Alani brought vivacity into this place. He didn’t know how she did it, or if she even knew that she did it, but the weight of his day was left at the door. That was a miracle, considering the problems that existed in his life. Alani sat in bed, rubbing body oil into her skin. Everything about this woman screamed soft. The silk pajamas and silk scarf around her head cost more than she would ever allow. She didn’t know it, though. He had told her he’d picked it up from Target on the way home, but it was the finest fabric from the most luxurious store, for the most precious woman. Only the best for his lady. With every step he took in her direction, he felt lighter. She hadn’t even spoken to him yet. She didn’t need to exert any effort to bring him peace. He felt weightless whenever he walked into a room she occupied. He saw no one else. He thought of nothing else when she was near. She was the greatest and most intricate of distractions. It was a diversion from life’s ills. A mirage in a desert she was.

“You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had,” Ethic stated, removing his watch, and tossing it on his nightstand. The way he tossed it, you would think it wasn’t worth anything at all. He could pawn it and pay off three six-figure mortgages, but a man who had it, didn’t covet it. It hit the marble top with a thud.

“Is Yara okay? How’s Morgan?” Alani asked as she casually rubbed lotion into her hands, assuming that’s where he had been. If only she knew the shit, he had been forced to do today.

Ethic couldn’t welcome the outside inside this room. He wouldn’t. This was their sanctuary, a den of love, passion, intimacy, and pleasure. He didn’t even want to discuss it right now.

“No, but nothing’s changing tonight, and everybody’s free and alive. That’s all I can take for today. I’ll fill you in tomorrow. Right now, I just want to shower and lay under my wife,” Ethic said. His fatigue was audible.

“Whatever you need,” Alani replied. Life had a way of throwing challenges at a man, especially a Black man. He had navigated obstacle after obstacle since the day his father had abandoned him, and now that he had children of his own, he just wanted to provide answers to each of their problems. What was a man worth if he couldn’t fix the problems of his offspring? His purpose in life was to provide their needs and every want. His mission: to protect them from every threat. Threats had come abundantly for Morgan since he had taken her in. First, emotional with the loss of her parents and sister, then mental with the frustration that came from people not understanding her. Now, as Morgan navigated love and young womanhood, the threats were physical. Men desired to conquer her, and their attacks were damaging. He had expected parenting to get easier as the years flew by. The older his children became, the more independent they got, but it seemed that parenthood’s difficulty level increased. When they were younger, Ethic could control everything. He decided what they ate, where they went, who their friends were, and what they had access to. Shit was smooth, and the problems were miniscule. They had kept him busy, but the mental load was manageable. Now that Morgan and Bella were older, they had their own voices. They made decisions without him. They chose their circles and put themselves in environments that he would never approve of. It put him in a constant mood to worry. Even on the most carefree days, concern for the direction their lives would take was stuffed in the closet in the back of his mind. Eazy was the only one giving him a bit of grace, and the cycle was starting all the way over with True. I’ve got to make sure I savor the time with those two. They’re my youngest two, and if I blink, I’ll miss everything, he thought. The natural growth of his children was enough to make a grown man forlorn, and his head hung low in silent mourning as he undressed. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, then walked over to Alani’s side of the bed and leaned down to taste her lips. It was the longest, shortest kiss she had ever felt, and she moaned a little when his tongue slipped into her mouth. She kissed him back, but Ethic felt hesitation in her. She reached for his face. He was clean-shaven, goatee trimmed to perfection. Her delicate fingers against the side of his face felt glorious. True rested in the bassinet beside the bed, and he leaned down to kiss her tiny button nose. “Daddy missed you.” She smelled like Alani, not like her perfume, or her shampoo, or the soap she used, but like her, her scent, her chemistry. True was made of the same thing. “We make beautiful babies. She really is perfect.” Ethic’s voice was full of wonder. He turned his attention back to the original.

“Daddy missed you, too,” he said, leaning down once more to capture her lips. “Was everything good here today? How did it go?” He went back in to peck the tender side of her neck, and she stiffened.

“Everything was fine,” Alani replied shortly. His husband gauge sounded as he finally read the room. She was displeased with him. He could feel her disposition in his bones.

The fuck is up with this attitude? he thought. Even when Alani didn’t know herself, his comprehension of her body language was a skill. He was well-studied and fluent in all things Mrs. Okafor.

“You good? Seems like something is on your mind,” he said.

It was the millisecond of pause that told him her next words were untrue.

“I’m good,” she lied. He peered at her curiously, wanting to push, needing to know the source of her discontent, but he had to be careful not to apply too much pressure. If Alani felt uncomfortable in any way, she would flee back to what was familiar. He would much rather have her there, moody and distant, than all the way across town on Susan Street.

“If you’re not good, you can talk to me about it. I’ll do everything in my power to make wrong right for you, baby.” He didn’t wait for her to respond. It felt like she needed space. He’d give her the room for the night. He made his way to the adjoining bathroom and flung his towel over the shower door before stepping inside. He turned on the water and sighed as soon as the warmth hit his tense muscles. The stream of water was hotter than most people could withstand, but to him, it was perfect. He would sleep in the basement tonight. Yoga and a good cognac would wind him down and calm his mind. He would add pussy to the menu, but he was letting Alani have it her way, and he could tell from her disposition that he wasn’t getting shit tonight. He had somehow been put on her shit list. It was only a matter of time before she revealed why. He just wanted to wash his burdens away. Scrub his sins down the drain so they didn’t come back to haunt his family. Thoughts of Yolly forced him to bow his head under the flow. He swiped the water from his face. His heart seemed like it found a way to break every time he patched up the last injury. It came with the territory of being responsible for everyone. The king of the house, the one whose name everyone bore, took all the arrows; a few had penetrated his shield. House of Okafor was always under attack, and there was always an inner war that accompanied the conflict.

Ethic washed his body, taking his time, taking care in cleaning himself. Cleanliness was next to godliness. He let the water run down his head and grabbed Alani’s shampoo to wash his hair. He knew she’d kill him if she knew he was using it, but such was married life. He switched to his natural soaps and washed his face before he worked his way south, wrapping his hand around his dick as he soaped up his loins. He moved to sturdy thighs, and down his legs, finally reaching his feet. He repeated the process three times before rinsing. This was the most normal part of his day. He turned off the shower and wrapped his waist with a towel before rejoining Alani in the room.

“Would you ever lie to me, Ezra?”

Ethic was thrown off by the unexpected inquisition, but outwardly, he didn’t show it. He walked over to the dresser, drying his body along the way, and removed Nike hoop shorts and boxer briefs. He reached for his favorite body oil off the dresser. The sandalwood smelled like heaven on his dark skin, and he emulsified it between his palms before rubbing it across his washboard abs. He was silent as his mind raced, and she watched him intently. He could feel her doubt. Mistrust was a guest in their bedroom tonight. He was stalling. He would use the entire damn bottle of Essential Body Love if it stopped him from having to answer her question. He took that oil from his shoulders, crossed the mountains of his well-built chest, traveled down his arms, and over his abs. Usually, by the time he made it to his dick, if she was watching, it would become foreplay. She’d use that oil to stroke him until he released his stress down her throat. Tonight, she stared at him like she didn’t know him at all.

His calm annoyed her because…

Nigga, you can grease that big-ass dick and talk at the same time.

Alani was in a big mood.

“Ezra…” The way she said his name carried a tone, and he didn’t miss it. He dressed and then stood before her, his queen, awaiting judgment. He couldn’t even pinpoint which lie he was on trial for. So many had been told since she had awakened.

“I would never lie to hurt you, baby,” he responded.

“You didn’t think the lie about Love would hurt? Why would you keep the fact that I lost not one but two babies from me?”

“I didn’t want to put too much on you, Lenika,” Ethic replied. He hated that he felt relieved. He could explain Love. He could justify that lie. Kenzie, however, would destroy them. “You’re dealing with a lot already. Grief is heavy. Adding more weight didn’t feel like the best way to care for you.” True stirred, sending tiny cries through the air, and Ethic moved. He was saved by the fucking bell. “I’ve got her.”

“She’s probably hungry; give me my baby,” Alani said, a nip of irritation in her voice. She was perturbed with him, so much so that she didn’t even want to accept his help. The “my baby” was loud and bold. It screamed, Nigga, I’m not fucking with you right now. Ethic reached down and picked up his doll of a daughter. Her arrival had disrupted so much, and he had struggled with the guilt of being so convinced about having another child. He recognized the sacrifice it took. Alani’s health had failed, and it felt like it was his fault. “Daddy’s baby,” he whispered, his voice whimsical in a way that only a daughter could bring out of a man. Holding True in his arms felt magical. “Daddy’s sorry,” he whispered as he kissed her cheeks, again and again. “Thank you, God. My beautiful girl.” He closed his eyes and placed his forehead gently to True’s. He hadn’t been able to fathom fathering her alone if Alani died, and he felt an onus over that fact. He was beyond grateful to have his new baby girl and wife in his care. Things were heavy, but he was determined to make everything right again. Explaining the loss of their son tonight was unexpected, but now that she had learned of him, Ethic knew he couldn’t avoid it.

“I deserve to know about my son,” Alani snapped.

Ethic hated this memory. It was such a tender spot in his life. Whenever he touched it, it ached for days. Thinking of Love put him in a mood he didn’t shake easily. He knew she wouldn’t let up on this, though. His silence wasn’t a protest, but grief as he steadied his voice before it even had a chance to shake. He tightened his stomach and sighed heavily.

“When we lost Love, it was hard. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt anything like that before. Burying my son was the worst day of my life. I’m almost positive a piece of me went in the ground with him. I just didn’t want you to face that again. It was difficult for us both,” Ethic explained. He sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Alani adjusted so that she leaned against him. “Let me see my baby. She’s hungry.” He passed True to her.

“She’s ours, not yours,” Ethic said as he stared at the two of them.

Alani was angry with him, and when she was angry, the energy in the room shifted.