Page 59 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“Good,” Mara said.

“You think you can indulge me in some PT?”

Alani hated the physical therapy. It was excruciating and exhausting. It left her so drained that she slept for hours afterward, and her heart simply wasn’t in it.

“Can I have a moment?” Alani asked.

“Of course,” Mara said. Mara began to gather her things to walk away, but she doubled back. “I know it’s important for you to be here with your family while you heal. I don’t think it’s wise to concern your husband about your mental state. We should put that back where you found it,” Mara warned.

Alani’s eyes misted because she was scrolling her mental rolodex from front to back. It was like she had lost time. It felt like this was the first time she was viewing this information. “I don’t remember where I got it,” Alani admitted, her tone so low that it was painted in embarrassment.

“Do you want me to toss it?” Mara asked.

It felt wrong to discard, but also haunting to keep. She knew if it were within arm’s reach, she would read the report again and again. “Can you put it in my top drawer, please? I can’t bring myself to throw it away.”

Mara nodded empathetically, taking the paper and putting it where Alani had asked before walking out of the room.

Alani grabbed her phone and sent a text to Nyair.

Nyair, I need your help.

Alani needed him. He was one of the few people she remembered, and she knew she could trust him. She had questions that no one wanted to answer. She prayed Nyair would.

“Heaven Can Wait” by Michael Jackson

Messiah lounged in the bed, his feet kicked up, with Yara lying sideways on his chest as she played with her iPad.

I love this girl so much, man, he thought. I ain’t had enough time.

Messiah’s chest had been heavy for days. It was hard for him to breathe, let alone think, and with Morgan also being in trouble, his mind was all over the place.

He wanted to get into the field, where he could be useful, but Ethic had forbidden it. Ethic had challenged him to put his children above all else, so Messiah didn’t leave. Yara was his only focus. He had never felt so helpless.

“Your turn,” Yara signed.

Messiah took one of the puzzle pieces, and put it in place on her screen, and then kissed the top of her head. Yara pushed his face away, and Messiah couldn’t help but chuckle. She was so damn temperamental.

“Why Daddy can’t have no love, Killa?” Messiah signed.

“Because,” Yara signed back.

“Because what, baby?” Messiah inquired.

“You feel mad,” she signed back.

Her answer was so simple yet so complex.

“Daddy’s never mad at you,” he signed back. “I love you. Why you like to hurt your daddy’s feelings? Can you ease up a little bit and be nice to daddy.”

“No,” Yara signed simply. “When you feel nice, I’ll be nice.”

It was a lesson of reciprocity in the purest form. Yara wasn’t giving Messiah anything he wasn’t giving to her.

“I’m not nice to you and your brother?” he asked. Messiah was a dominant man. He controlled every room and every conversation. His daughter was the only human being he had ever encountered that intimidated him. She made him work for every piece of affection she gave him. He second guessed everything before he engaged with her just to make sure he was doing and saying the right things.

“You’re not nice to Mommy,” Yara said. “You make her heart go...” She beat her little hand against her chest fast and frantically.

Messiah was amazed at how intuitive Yara was. She wasn’t basing her love for him on how he treated her. She wasn’t even basing it on how he treated Morgan because he had never mistreated her in front of the twins. Yara was basing his approval on what Morgan felt on the inside. Yara could feel what most people couldn’t. She relied on energy, on tension, and with her mother, she notated everything. Morgan’s breathing, her pulse. Messiah didn’t realize that Morgan experienced so much internal turmoil when he was around. He used to be her peace, and now he caused her emotional wars, and that realization was humbling. It hurt to know. He never wanted Morgan to feel anxious with him, or afraid, or whatever it was that she felt but never revealed. Messiah wanted Morgan to feel loved because it was what he felt for her. Every second of every day he loved her dearly but there was a disconnect if Yara was identifying something else inside her mom.