Page 72 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

Bella didn’t receive any of it. They just didn’t understand. Bella loved Hendrix in a way that was greater than some teenage cliché. There was so much happening around her that worrying about a boy felt small.

“He just messed up so bad,” Bella mumbled. “I’m so mad at him. Then he pushes me away like I don’t mean anything to him.” Bella scoffed, and her heart raced as her adrenaline pumped. Every time she thought about the way Hendrix had treated her, she wanted to scream. “We had a plan that would take us away from all of this, and he told me he was with it, but he was…”

Bella paused and shook her head. It was almost hard to explain. The betrayal she felt seemed small to others, but it was massive. It all felt like a huge waste of time. The nights they had spent planning their dreams. The way Henny had listened to her goals and plotted on executing them with her.

“He was what?” Aria asked sympathetically.

“He was sabotaging the plan the whole time behind my back,” Bella shouted. “Like, who does that? Just tell me the truth. Tell me you have no intention of doing life with me.”

“Bella, you and Henny aren’t the same, li’l baby,” Aria replied. “Your dreams have possibility. You have a daddy who is fine as fuck, by the way…”

“Aria, be for real! I need advice!” Bella groaned.

Aria smiled and shook her head. “I’m just saying. It really don’t make no sense. I’d risk it all. But for real, Bella. Ethic has given you a life full of possibilities. No limits. You can do whatever you want. If you want to go to college in New York, it’s nothing. If you want to go to an HBCU, it’s covered. If you want to take a year off and find yourself, there’s no sweat off anybody’s back. He’s given you the luxury of support, stability, and love. Li’l Henny ain’t got none of that. He wasn’t sabotaging your plans; he was surviving, Bella. You were dreaming, and he was entertaining your plan because, to him, none of the things you can do are accessible to him. You’re from two different worlds, and in his, the way he was living was completely normal. If he wanted to eat, he had to earn it. If he wanted to take you out, he had to go get the means. His mom is an addict. He was raised around drugs his entire life. For you, that lifestyle is foreign. For him, it’s normalized. Did he fuck up? Yes. Did he mean to disappoint you? I highly doubt that.”

Bella absorbed Aria’s words. “I just feel like I was his possibility. My daddy would have helped Henny. I would have helped him. I wanted to see the world with him. I wanted to get him out of Flint. At what point can I blame him for his choices? Like, can he use his upbringing as an excuse forever? I get that he was used to survival, but when your escape is right in front of you, how do you miss that shot? Now, I’m worried all the time. I stay up at night thinking about what he’s going through in there. I’m sick to my stomach, and I hate that I still care because he told me he doesn’t, but he was my best friend, you know? And he’s locked up like he’s an animal, and he’s the best person I know. I just want to get him out of there! I just want him to be with me when I make it out of here, but he won’t be. He’ll be there, and my life is going to move on without him, and I’m dying inside just thinking about it.”

Aria felt Bella’s pain, every single ounce of it, because while they were years apart, Isa, much like Henny, made choices that pulled them in different directions.

“You can’t run towards something you know is bad for you, Bella. I know you want to. I know these niggas seem worth it, but they never are. The love is strong and real, but love from a man built like Hendrix, like Isa, like Messiah, like Ahmeek, it consumes everything in its path unless they’re willing to change. Your dad changed for you, for Alani, and y’all family. So, it’s possible, but that change takes time, and you don’t wait around for a nigga while he deciding if he gon’ fly straight or not. You live, because you deserve to have every experience you want without it being centered around a man. Even if Henny was free, Bella, I would tell you to pull back. You have your whole life to consider a man. You’ll eventually become some man’s wife, have kids, and you’ll have to put everybody else first. Fuck that, Bella. Put you first right now. You’re gorgeous and smart and focused. Don’t be like me and Mo, and get dick dumb because these niggas will make you feel so high, you forget to keep your feet on the ground. Then, when they drop you, you’re too broken to even get back on track. That’s not your story, Bella. Let a nigga center you, not the other way around. Let this visit be your closure,” Aria schooled. “Stop searching for the why behind Henny’s actions. When a snake bites you, you don’t ask it why. You nurse yourself back to health and kill the snake, then you avoid snakes every day after that.”

“Henny’s not a snake,” Bella whispered.

“But his actions still bit you in your ass,” Aria shot back. “Same venom, even if he didn’t mean to.”

“It’s easy for you to tell me to forget Henny, but you have Isa,” Bella countered. “You’re a dancer, and you’re in Flint. Why aren’t you in New York or L.A. by now? Or on tour?”

“Isa and I aren’t together anymore, li’l baby,” Aria said. Bella didn’t miss the break in Aria’s voice. “I’m going on tour, and I broke it off. I’m not the big sister that’s gon’ tell you not to do as I do. I’m not your cautionary tale. If I give advice, I’m gonna follow my own. I’m choosing me.”

“I just miss him, I guess. I’ve never had to hurt like this before. My daddy always made it better, but I can’t share this with him, and Alani’s too sick to go to right now. I can’t put one more thing on their plate, but it’s really eating me up inside. How can you walk away from someone you love so easily? You don’t miss him?”

“I do, but your heart will have you looking foolish out here. I love Isa, but he has some work to do, and until he does it, I’ve got to be on my way,” Aria stated. “When I started thinking of doing things I wouldn’t normally do, just for his satisfaction, just to prove my worth to him, I knew I was losing myself. Cuz, do you see me? Prove what? To who? Nah, I was doing too much, because he should be doing shit that he don’t normally do to prove himself to me. So, I’m bouncing. Only reason I haven’t left yet is because Yolly’s in the hospital.”

Bella’s heart. Oh, the number adolescence could do on a young girl. Bella was headstrong, and she knew exactly what she wanted out of life. It pained her greatly that Henny hadn’t wanted the same.

I just want to see him and make sure he’s okay. The last time we talked, it felt like a hateful goodbye. It wasn’t us. I just want a better ending, Bella thought. Closure.

“You’re really her,” Bella said, smiling.

“Aww, Bella. Nah, baby girl, that’s you. Your power literally shines all over that pretty, brown skin,” Aria complimented. “But enough about these niggas, cuz one thing a nigga gon’ do is nig, and ain’t no stopping that. Fuck them; tell me more about this plan. You’re headed into junior year. What’s next for you?”

“Well, I’ve got to keep my GPA up. I need a 5.0 to get into Ivy League, but I’m really thinking about an HBCU. I want to pledge. I’m not sure which sorority yet. I’m not set on a major yet, but after seeing how Henny was treated, I’ve been thinking about law.”

“You want to be a lawyer?” Aria asked.

“I want to be a Supreme Court Justice,” Bella replied. “Eventually, I mean, but yeah, I’d have to be a lawyer first, then maybe a senator or congresswoman.”

“You want power. You are your daddy’s child, ain’t you?” Aria jested.

“I want to be able to do more than complain about the stuff. I want to change it,” Bella answered.

“See, a girl with a big dream like that can’t let anybody hold them up.”

Aria turned the radio up, and Bella was left to her thoughts, as Coco Jones created the vibe. Bella glanced at Aria out of the corner of her eye. She was the coolest girl Bella had ever met. The gold bracelets stacked on her wrist glistened as Aria gripped the steering wheel with one hand, singing the song and grooving in her leather seat while she drove. Her hair was cut in a cheek-length bob, middle-parted. It shone and bounced like Aria was fresh out of the salon. She wore rings on almost every finger, more than one on both pointers. She was effortlessly stylish in boyfriend jeans and a cropped, baby T-shirt. A stack of dainty gold chains hung around her neck like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Bella took in all the details.

The riz is crazy, Bella thought, notating Aria’s level of charisma. Aria was confident and in control. Bella looked up to her because Aria never seemed to be on the losing end of any situation, especially where men were concerned.

“I wish Mo was more like you,” Bella stated.