Page 77 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

Bella didn’t rise from her seat. She let the storm blow through her chest as she glowered at Hendrix through the glass. She gripped the phone so tightly that her palm began to sweat. She tapped the glass, and Hendrix picked up the phone. He battled with himself and lowered his head in defeat before picking up the phone once more. He didn’t even take the time to sit because he didn’t want this scene to prolong any further.

“Stop,” Bella said. “You can just stop, you know?”

The permission she gave him softened him for a split second, as he allowed himself to believe in their dream again. He allowed himself to bend to her will, to not be tough, to just be a teenage boy. Henny was rushing the clock, trying to speed up time so that he could masquerade as a man. Only a man could survive this place. Only the most callous, unfeeling, disconnected man would make it out. The boy Bella loved would be raped, exploited, and murdered in this dungeon. The boy who believed in the possibility of love with her, of healing for her, would be a victim in this bitch. How could he look her in the eyes if that occurred? This prison was murky, and it was perilous. He didn’t want her anywhere near this hellhole. The transformation he would make would not be one for the better, and if she held onto him, her conversion would be even harder to stomach. Over the years, she would change right with him, right in front of him. Her smile would disappear slowly with each visit. Her light would go dimmer and dimmer with each jail letter he sent. Her dreams would disappear as she waited, year after year. A bright future would eventually become something she never chased if she tried to hold him down. Hendrix had seen it time and time again. Love didn’t do that. Love didn’t ruin lives. Love didn’t suck the soul out of a person. “So can you, Boog. You can just stop. I’m giving you an out.”

“I don’t want an out,” Bella whispered.

“Then you’re not the girl I thought you were.”

His legs were heavy when he walked out. He wanted to look back at her so badly that he choked up. Instead, he swallowed his feelings as he was escorted out of the room. As soon as he crossed the threshold back to his block, he had converted back to stone.

He was at war with himself because every human had the instinct to preserve oneself. He wanted her, but greater than his need was the desire to see Bella do everything she had on her list. He had never met anyone with the type of certainty Bella Okafor possessed. He knew she would accomplish everything she set her mind to, which meant he had to keep her mind off him, even if it meant he had to let go of the one good thing he had left in his life. Bella symbolized hope, and hope would make the years feel like torture. He had no choice but to let her go. While she was blooming, he would be wilting, and a dead flower couldn’t be next to a living one without infecting it too.

Bella’s tender heart was annihilated, and as soon as she pushed through the steel doors, Aria greeted her with open arms. Her sorrow was evident, no matter how hard she tried to conceal it. There was just a uniform that dressed the broken-hearted that was hard to miss, and Bella wore it like it was tailored specifically for her.

“Aww, Bella, what happened?” Aria sang.

“He didn’t come out,” she lied, unable to hide her sadness.

“I’m sorry, girl. It’s probably rough on him, though. Seeing you. All he has is time to think. Just give it some time. Focus on you for now. Let him focus on whatever he got going on in here,” Aria said.

Bella wanted to cry on Aria’s shoulder. She wanted to wail; it hurt so bad. Bella wanted to break down. The tenderness in her chest was crushing. When Henny had gotten sentenced, her disappointment had been so great that she had immediately written him off. She was angry at the unnecessary hardship Hendrix had stepped into. When they first met, she understood his circumstances didn’t leave him many options. He sold drugs to survive. He skipped school to make money. A few good plays guaranteed a night in the motel and hot food in his stomach. After Bella told her dad how Hendrix was living, however, Ethic gave Hendrix options. Hendrix had access and support that allowed him to make better choices. They were making plans to explore life together, and when he was busted, all Bella felt was anger. Her standards were high. Her expectations were almost crushing. When Henny didn’t meet them, Bella wanted to be the girl to write him off. Her mind told her she should, but that heart of hers ached something terrible. There had been no time to focus on her problems. Her family was going through so much, so she plotted to save Hendrix alone. She had researched so many early release programs, college programs for inmates, trade training, and she had even considered going to college locally. Seven years was enough time for her to finish undergrad, obtain her master’s, and begin a doctorate program. She could lock in on school and wait Hendrix out. At least she could visit him. She had rewired her thinking to come up with a plan that allowed them to stay connected, and Hendrix didn’t even consider it.

Most girls experienced their first heartbreak in a much more subtle way. The high school quarterback cheated, or the prom king asked another girl to the dance. This was weighted in experience beyond her comprehension. Her first heartbreak was torture, and she was unprepared for it. It was a feeling she would never forget, and she promised herself she would never give anyone the chance to make her feel this way again.

Chapter 21

“Hero” by Mariah Carey

You got to eat a little bit for Daddy, killa,” Messiah signed.

He picked up the plastic spoon and scooped some Jell-O onto it, holding it up for Yara. She shook her head, causing her pretty curls to bounce in protest.

“I don’t want that,” Yara signed. She pressed her lips together so tightly that Messiah couldn’t do anything but sigh.

“You killing me, baby,” he said, sighing as he put the spoon down on the plastic lunch tray. “What do you like to eat?” he signed.

“French fries,” Yara signed back.

“Your mama don’t let you eat fries,” Messiah shot back. He already knew Morgan wasn’t feeding his children bullshit often.

“La La does behind her back.”

“Quit snitching,” Messiah chuckled. “Alright. You want to blow this joint for a little while? Break you out of here and go get French fries?” he asked.

Yara smiled big and nodded her head.

“Bet,” he signed.

Messiah checked her vitals. Her temperature was down, her blood pressure was normal, and her heartbeat was strong. They had just given her a round of antibiotics and Tylenol. She had been stable for hours, and although her lethargy came and went, right now she was doing okay. They were just waiting, and the waiting made things feel terrifying.

Messiah had been in and out of hospitals for years. He knew enough to know that all he had to do was take her IV with them. He quickly dressed her and grabbed the tiny backpack Yara carried with her everywhere. He slid the IV into the backpack and strapped it to her back before lifting his daughter out of the bed. “You ready to have the best day ever with Daddy?” he asked, signing. Her smile was worth whatever trouble he was about to step into. He knew he wasn’t putting her at risk. He would only be gone a little while. The walls of the hospital room were closing in on him, and he knew firsthand how it felt to be the one in the bed. They both could use some fresh air. They weren’t doing anything but waiting anyway. He could take his daughter to get some French fries during the wait. He carried her to the door and peeked out.

The way he and Yara poked their heads out, it was clear they were accomplices. He saw the nurses were busy, and he walked in the opposite direction. He didn’t bother with the elevator. He took the stairs down one level to the lobby.

His head was on a swivel as he walked toward the door. He nodded to the security guard. “We out this mu’fucka,” he said aloud, kissing the top of Yara’s head as they made it to freedom.

“Messiah?”