Page 74 of A Match Made in Error

“The one where you’re thinking too hard about something and pretending you’re not.”

Heat creeps up my neck. “I am not⁠—”

“You are.” He sits forward a little, elbows resting on his knees again, close enough now that the lanternlight catches the gold in his eyes. That I can feel his attention like warmth against my skin. “You get this crease right here,” he adds, gesturing vaguely at my forehead.

I swat his hand away before he can touch me. “Stop looking at my face.”

“Hard to miss when you’re sitting that close and thinking loud enough for the whole ocean to hear.” I roll my eyes again, but the corner of my mouth betrays me. The tension loosens just enough for me to breathe deeply again.

Riven relaxes back once more, stretching his arms across the back of his chair like the conversation never mattered. Like the thing he admitted a moment ago isn’t still echoing in my head. But when the wind shifts and the lantern flickers, I see it. The way his gaze drifts back to me when he thinks I’m not looking. The way his fingers tap once against the armrest before going still again. The way he keeps opening his mouth slightly, then closing it. Like there’s still something else he wants to say.

Something bigger.

And for once…

Riven doesn’t say what he’s thinking.

I wish he would. I love when he jokes and teases. When he flirts. I love the way his laugh sounds when he amuses himself. I love h-.

I feel the words bubbling behind my teeth. Traitorous words. Words that remind me that this truth serum is formulated to show us truths about ourselves just as much as it’s for making us reveal them.

I snap, grabbing the stack of conversation cards from the basket.

Anything to move away from this feeling bubbling within me. I pull the first card from the top. Hoping my truth can’t come out if I’m using my mouth for other things. “What is something that scares you?” Already, I can feel the effects of the potion wearing off, the punch to tell the truth not as strong as it once was. I can do this. Just a few more minutes.

Again, Riven doesn’t hesitate. The serum isn’t allowing much hesitation.

He stares at me, head tilting as if seeing something he never has before. “I hate the idea of losing you.” He looks away, eyes watching the sun as it dips below the horizon. “It keeps me up at night sometimes.” He stretches, hands finding their way behind his neck. Lounging like he’s done fighting the truth and ready to ride out the serum in peace as he spills his guts. “When you walked away from me today, my chest hurt.” I swallow, unsure how to take his words. “And when I thought I disappointed you in the second simulation…I wish I were different.” Another crack in my heart, only this time, it’s not for me.

“I like you how you are.” A truth I’d admit whether I was under duress or not. He’s my best friend, after all. Despite the nonstop bad ideas and flirtatious jokes, I like nearly everything about Riven. Honestly, the thing I dislike the most about him is how much he dislikes aspects of himself.

“Say something true.” About yourself, please. About how you deserve love. About how you know you’re enough as you are.

He looks confused, like he’s never considered the words about to leave his lips. “I’m terrified of quiet rooms. That’s when I remember I’m built for killing.”

“That isn’t all you are.” He gives me a pointed look, like he doesn’t believe me. Like he doesn’t believe himself worthy of anything else.

He reaches for a card but doesn’t look at it. He just looks at me. “Say something true.” He volleys the same question back to me, like he was shocked by his answer and wants to see what I’ll say.

My heart pounds and I search desperately for a truth that won’t ruin me. I want to tell Riven how I feel about him…so I will. “You deserve more than someone who treats you like an afterthought.”

He goes still and then leans forward.

“Say something true about us.” His voice is rough.

The word hangs there.

Us.

I could try to dodge it.

But I don’t. Because despite my best efforts, the serum won’t let me.

“…I want you.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. They don’t feel like something I said so much as something that escaped, like my ribs cracked open and the truth slipped out between them. My breath shudders on the way out. “I do, but I shouldn’t.” The moment the words left my lips, I wanted to grab them back. Shove them down my own throat. Pretend I never said them.

The silence consumes us. Like his shadows did in the simulation. Not slowly or gently, but hitting all at once. The ocean keeps moving below the patio, waves folding over themselves in the dark, but suddenly, it sounds miles away.

My pulse is everywhere. In my ears. In my hands. In the hollow at the base of my throat.