Page 140 of Knot Their Starlet

I haven’t been living life for myself. I’ve been living for other people. For obligations, for contracts, for a warped sense of loyalty towards my mother.

And I don’t think I want to do that anymore. Not when I’m realizing the life I’ve been sold on sucks compared to the life I think I can live for myself.

“Don’t be mad,” I whisper, reaching out and clinging to the hem of his t-shirt. My voice takes on this soft, almost childlike quality.

“What’s up, Lucky Duck?” he murmurs, rubbing my shoulders gently.

“Promise you won’t be mad,” I rasp out, unable to meet his eyes.

“I won’t be mad. Promise.”

It’s just what I need to hear.

Even though last night was a bit of a shit show, I think it showed me that running away from my issues isn’t the solution.

“I’ve been working on my childhood, in therapy, and one thing that came up was... was the idea of meeting my dad.”

I brace myself, waiting for him to call the idea crazy. Or worse, to call me stupid.

But he just remains silent.

When I finally manage the courage to glance up at him, his expression is contemplative.

“It makes sense you’d want to meet him.” He nods.

“You—you don’t think I’m crazy?”

“What? Of course not.”

The vehemence in his words makes me pause a bit. I remember the advice from Nancy, to separate what’s my voice and what’s the voice of my mom.

“O—okay, well, then I really want to try.”

“Then let’s make it happen. I actually think Everett would be a good person to ask, since I think they’ve been to similar parties in the past.”

“Everett?”

“Yeah, but honestly, I think we should all come with you.”

“All?” I blink up at him, shocked. Now we’re making it a group activity?

I mean, I’m not opposed, but I was expecting to be yelled at, not to make plans to bring everyone to meet my long-lost, possibly abusive dad.

“I don’t think you should go alone.” Leo shrugs. “Just to be careful.”

“Okay, if you think that’s best. I don’t... I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” I pick nervously at my cuticles.

“Take your time,” he murmurs, leaning down and brushing his lips against my forehead. “You feeling better?”

I give him a jerky nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

“Yeah.” My shoulders have stopped trembling.

“I don’t want to leave you, but I also want to give you privacy to change,” he murmurs.

“If you could... maybe wait outside the bathroom?”

Leo always seems to know exactly what I need, even before I realize I need it.