Page 46 of Katherine the Vixen

“I’m sorry,” she said automatically.

“I don’t know if you are familiar with the idea of apologizing, but usually one does it after having done something wrong. Why do you suppose that you trying to learn my language would earn my disapproval?”

Siaspar placed his hand on the chair, where Katherine’s hand had been a moment ago. The wood was still warm. His pulse quickened. He had thoroughly enjoyed watching her practice the Welsh words out loud, without knowing quite why. Perhaps because it showed that she did not think ill of him and his people. She could not consider them savages if she wanted to try and learn their language.

“I don’t really think you would object,” she replied, flushing a delicious red color. His groin stirred, as it always did when she did that. “But… I also know that it is not my place to do so. You brought Master Owain to teach Lady Malpas, not me.”

“You have been listening to their lessons this past week, I take it?”

Understanding that he was not outraged by her presumption, she nodded.

“Yes. I feel uncomfortable not being able to converse with people in their own language, in their own country.”

“Well. It’s a relief to know that poor Master Owain’s efforts are not totally wasted. He tells me that Lady Malpas is not the most cooperative of pupils.”

Katherine gave a giggle at the deliberate understatement and his lip curled in response. By God, but he loved their conversations. Nothing was more delightful than being with Katherine when she relaxed enough to jest with him. She had finally heeded his instructions and never attempted to curtsy when they were alone. It felt good not to feel her superior. Because he really didn’t feel like he was.

“To say that she is uncooperative is putting it mildly. I have yet to hear her repeat a single word. I fear you will be waiting a long time before you can have a conversation in Welsh with her.”

Siaspar shrugged. “I did not expect it to be any different. And a conversation with her is something I would rather avoid, whether it is in English or in Welsh.”

“Why did you insist on providing her with a tutor then?”

Since she’d asked, he decided to be honest. “Because that way my request that she dress more like a Welsh woman would seem motivated by a desire to see her adapt to her new country. I provided her with a Welsh confessor for the same reason, when in reality the state of her eternal soul is of no interest to me whatsoever.”

“I see. You did all this for my sake.” Katherine seemed awed by the idea. “So that I could leave the kitchen. Did you do it because I saved your life?”

The question, reasonable as it was, made him think about his motivations for wanting to help her. In truth, he was not quite sure why he was so desperate to help Katherine. Perhaps because he felt guilty for having taken her maidenhead in such a perfunctory manner, or for having accused her of being in league with Lady Malpas when she was being used so shamefully.

Or perhaps it was something different, something he did not want to dwell on, something that was better not acknowledged. Now that he was facing her, he knew that his motives were not as selfless as they would seem to the casual observer.

But it was easier to agree with her explanation, so he nodded.

“Yes. I thought it fair to help the one person who saved my life.”

Katherine did something he had not thought she would allow herself to do. She took his hand and lifted the wrist to inspect it. With a light finger she traced over the wound. It was still very fresh, even if it was no longer painful. It was a stark reminder that he had almost died—and would have, had she not been there.

“You are the first person whose life I have saved, you know.”

“No, I am not,” he contradicted hoarsely. The caress was affecting him much more than was wise. “You saved your mother and your baby brother by giving yourself to me.”

“I… I did not give myself to you exactly,” she replied, letting go of his wrist.

Of course, not. It had not been her decision to go to him.

Siaspar clenched his jaw. Why had he reminded her of that?

“No, you’re right. It’s even worse. You came to me unwillingly, because you knew you could not refuse. You went to a man you did not know anything about, who did not show you the consideration you deserved.” Self-loathing threatened to overwhelm him. “You must have been terrified, alone in the bed, waiting for me to come, not knowing what to expect, fearing a drunken man who would have been described to you as a savage, worried you would get assaulted. Which you were, in the end. This is a burden I will have to bear until the end of my days.”

“Please, you make it sound like something it wasn’t. You did not assault me. And the burden, if burden there is, is not yours to bear.”

“Lady Malpas. Yes. Be sure that I will never forgive her for this.” He gritted his teeth. “Of all the things she could have done, forcing an innocent woman to sacrifice her innocence to save her family is the worst.”

Was it? Katherine was amazed that Siaspar considered the fact that his wife had tried to kill him less damning than the fact that she had blackmailed her to share his bed. Surely he must be aware that being made love to by a thoughtful and skilled man was not the worst hardship a woman could endure?

“Whatever misgivings you have in this marriage, whatever your grievances against your wife are, there are enough. I do not want to be responsible for yet another.”

“But you’re not responsible for any of this mess!” he exploded. She was certain that he’d been about to slam his fist on the table and had only stopped himself because he didn’t want to frighten her, which only served to prove her point. This man was not to be feared, in any way. “Katherine, listen, I cannot forgive myself for what happened. It’s eating me alive. After what I did, I cannot allow you to exonerate me of any blame so easily.”