Page 162 of Only Be Mine

I pressed my fingers into my thigh, grounding myself as the memory flashed before me in vivid color, John shirtless in the mirror, laughing, pointing at it.

No one else would’ve known.

“I told Marshal,” Seth said softly. “I had no doubt that that was John.”

The silence stretched between us, the air heavy with the weight of it all.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this,” Seth added. “I didn’t want to say any of it until you asked.”

I swallowed hard. “Why?”

“Because once I said it out loud,” he said, “you don’t get to unhear it.”

I nodded.

“Marshal believes John was killed the week he disappeared,” Seth continued. “And it wasn’t an accident.”

My stomach clenched.

“And he believes it was personal,” Seth said. “That level of violence doesn’t come from strangers.”

Someone close.

The phrase echoed, even heavier now.

“What did he say about… suspects?” I asked carefully.

Seth studied me for a long moment, then chose his words carefully.

“He said whoever did this knew John. Had access. And had help cleaning it up.”

Help.

Power.

Protection.

“I don’t want you alone with this,” Seth said. “And I don’t want you managed through it either.”

My breath caught.

“I’ve noticed,” he added gently. “How much has been decided for you lately.”

I looked down at my hands.

“He thinks I can’t handle it,” I said.

“I think he’s afraid of what you’ll ask,” Seth replied.

I pushed his words away, I couldn’t think about that, not right now.

I lifted my head. “Why didn’t you tell me how he died?”

“Because you haven’t asked yet,” he said. “And because when you do, I want it to be on your terms. Not when someone else decides you’re ready.”

Tears burned behind my eyes, but they didn’t fall.

Not yet.