Page 38 of Only Be Mine

And for the first time, instead of scaring me… it felt like something I wanted to hold onto.

Chapter 12

Cate

Present

Amy didn’t let go of my hand.

We stood at the edge of the sidewalk, the crosswalk light blinking red, the warm late-afternoon air brushing against my bare arms. Spring was finally trying to settle in - trees half-green, flowers pushing up through the soil like they had something to prove. The town smelled faintly of rain and cut grass.

It felt wrong that the world could look like this when my chest felt like it was cracking open.

I felt like I was standing still in the middle of all of it.

“I keep thinking,” I said slowly, “that if love is supposed to feel safe… then why does this feel wrong?”

Amy’s thumb brushed over my knuckles. “Wrong how?”

“Like I’m wearing someone else’s life,” I said. “Like everything fits on paper, but not on me.”

We started walking again, toward the park, our footsteps soft on the path. Couples sat on benches. A kid chased pigeons near the fountain. Normal things. Happy things.

“Like I’m trying to convince myself,” I said. “Like I’ve memorized all the reasons I should be happy instead of actually feeling it.”

Amy didn’t respond right away

“I used to think love was supposed to be loud,” I went on. “Fireworks. Chaos. Big feelings that knocked you off balance.”

Amy hummed. “And now?”

“Now I don’t know,” I admitted. “Because John wasn’t loud. He didn’t overwhelm me. He didn’t take. He just… showed up.”

The words lodged in my chest.

“And Trevor does show up,” I added quickly, like I needed to defend him. “He plans. He provides. He thinks ahead. He’s already talking about the house we’ll buy once we’re married.”

Amy glanced at me. “Does that make you feel excited?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it.

“That’s not fair,” I muttered.

Amy smiled faintly. “It’s an honest question.”

The lake came into view through the trees, sunlight glinting off the surface. It looked peaceful. Untouched.

I wrapped my arms around myself.

“John chose me,” I said quietly. “Over and over. Even when I didn’t make it easy. Even when I didn’t give him much back.”

Amy stopped walking.

I did too.

“And that scares you,” she said.

“Yes.” The answer came too fast. “Because if that’s what love feels like… then what does it mean that I could move on?”