Page 301 of Coal Hearts

That’s for him, you idiot.

Fucking something wet and hot was one thing.

Fucking something dry and frigid was entirely another.

I choked on a sudden sob.

Frigid.

Sam had used that word.

I’d thought his accusation was the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Now, I’d give anything to go back to that nightclub and thank my stupid ex. Thank him for name-calling and setting me free. Thank him for showing me that it wasn’t the end of the world to be told your sexual prowess was worse than a blow-up doll because I would’ve given anything, literally anything, to never have sex again.

Henri’s fingers withdrew and landed slippery on my hip.

He caressed me like he had in the past.

Before, I’d stupidly associated those little swirls with our own version of Morse code.

A silent little message just for me.

His fingers said...stay calm.

I’ve got you.

We’ll survive...together.

But now?

What a mockery.

What a goddamn lie.

My head dropped as deeper sorrow twisted my heart.

But I didn’t cry.

I would never cry again.

Not for him.

Not for them.

And definitely not for me.

I shivered as he ran his thumbs over my hipbones one last time, then reared up and pressed his thighs to the back of mine.

My ears strained for his voice.

For him to tell me to obey and play along and it will all be over soon.

Poisonous words sat on my tongue to reply.

To tell him to jump off a cliff and die, only...

He stayed quiet.