Page 311 of Coal Hearts

“I’ve accepted their place, just like I’ve accepted mine. And yes, I’m aware. I noticed the other morning. But I’m not like that.”

“But you want to hurt me?”

“I do.”

“Then don’t you see the hypocrisy? You say you’re not into butchering me, but you’re okay with people who are? There’s a word for that, you know...complacency. Complacency is just as bad as the one committing the sin.”

“I think I preferred you asleep. Least your tongue was quiet.”

“You could just cut it out.” She shrugged as if she truly didn’t give a damn. “Ensure I’m forever your meek little silent slave.”

“Tempting.” I laughed under my breath.

She gasped. “You’re a mess, Henri. You think you’re free? You’re not. I truly do think you’re giving me your truth, but in reality, you have no idea what that truth is. You’re happy to turn a blind eye to what others do if you get what you want.” She shook her head with all the gravity of a judge. “And that doesn’t just make you monstrous. It makes you inhuman.”

I stiffened. “I’m human, little nightmare. And...just because I don’t agree with some of what goes on here doesn’t mean I have to partake.” I shrugged and gave her another truth. “You heard my brother. He’ll kill me if I ever leave this place. I’ve made my bed, and I’m happy to lie in it. Just like I’m happy to lie in it with you.”

She rubbed her brows as if I gave her a headache. “Tell me...if Victor offered you another cross to strap me to and another blade to cut me with right now...would you do it?”

“Another question you already know the answer to. Yes,” I said with no hesitation. “Yes. A thousand times yes for a thousand bleeding droplets.”

“So...knowing that you want that, knowing that you need that, how the hell can you sit there and talk about love and marriage and—”

“I can because I feel both. Light and dark. Good and bad. I want to own you. So fucking badly. I want to tell you to crawl to me, bow to me, give me access to everything you are. I have depraved and perverted urges. And yes, I will hurt you, as often as I damn well feel like, but I will ensure no one else lays a finger on you. I will protect you...if you play along with me again. If you—”

“Pretend I’m your wife?”

“No, just...I don’t know. Pretend—”

“That I enjoy it? That I’m turned on by you whipping and demeaning me?”

“No, I—”

“Do you expect me to kneel at your feet in worship instead of contempt?”

“Bon Dieu, ferme-la seconde.” (Christ, shut up for a second.)

I shot a look at Victor heading in our direction.

So close.

Too close.

Hurry.

Leaning forward, I clamped my hands together. “Having you play along with me when you thought I was a cop and my every touch would get you free was one of the best experiences of my life, but...I was also frustrated. The fact that you submitted? That you restrained your natural instincts to fight? I...I appreciated it but also hated it.”

Our eyes met in a collision of sparks.

She curled her upper lip. “You told me not to fight because you’d snap.”

“And you fought anyway.”

“And you snapped spectacularly.”

We glared at each other.

Finally, she asked as quietly as a raindrop, “What are you saying? What the hell do you want from me?”