Page 484 of Coal Hearts

I didn’t know which would win—sobs of horror or peals of inappropriate delirium.

In the end, they cancelled each other out, and I tried to roll onto my side to curl into a ball.

I started to crash—

Henri clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Stay on your back.”

My nervous system tried to warn me a bruise existed there, but the magic of drugs said...who cares?

My eyes tore open, locking on his. “You...you won’t expect me to have a baby too, will you?”

“Fuck, Ilyana.” His face shot ghost white. “No, of course not.” He stumbled away from me, pacing the bedroom and raking cream-smeared fingers through his hair.

I tracked him for a little while, but he made me dizzy. “Oh, good. Because if you ever got me pregnant, I’d jump off the parapet.”

His feet slammed to a stop.

Marching back to the bed, he loomed over me. He panted as if he’d run a four-day race. He looked utterly in pieces. “Y-You’d kill yourself rather than carry my child? You hate me that much?”

“I’d kill myself so our child never knew horror.”

He winced.

Another wave of numbness.

I sank into it.

The sensation of lightness promised me the ability to float right out the window and soar all the way over the sea back to Krish.

A pinch in my heart.

The only pain I could still feel.

Krish...

God, I missed my older brother.

I missed the way he used to say my name. The way he’d say it in that special wonderful way, reminding me how loved I was.

Love.

The exact opposite of hate.

Love...that was the biggest monster here.

The hulking elephant in the room.

I could never hate you, Henri...and that’s the problem.

“Ily—” His hand grabbed my chin, his fingers gripping hard. “Open your eyes.”

Ily...

Whenever he used my name, it made me feel all itchy inside. Squirrelly and snarly because he didn’t know what it meant. He mocked everything he wanted with his tone.

I had an awful feeling that each time he said my name, it only magnified the curse between us.

Oh, that’s sad.