Page 874 of Coal Hearts

Ily studied me standing frozen like an idiotic snowman.

Q’s estate slept under a dusting of white. He’d looked at us as if we were mad when we said we were going for a midnight stroll. He didn’t understand that walking in the dark had been our one reprieve in that nightmarish place. A few stolen moments beneath the stars where we could breathe, love, and gather enough strength to survive another day.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, stepping into my arms and looping hers around my waist. Dropping my walking stick, I gathered her close and rested my chin on her fluffy hat. “I’m just...still processing.”

She hugged me tight, snuggling as close as she could. My matching black jacket and jeans—all purchased with my brother’s funds—whispered against her.

“I know what you mean,” she whispered. “I keep pinching myself.”

I laughed under my breath.

The sound made me pause.

A month had passed since I’d gone on a slaughtering spree. Four weeks of living a normal life together, and I still hadn’t gotten used to the joy that now braided with the blackness inside me.

I’d never been so happy.

I still didn’t fully know how to trust it or how to sink into the soft, wonderful feeling, but every day, love warmed me from the inside out. It patched up my holes. It healed the frightened kid I used to be and allowed me to relax for the first time in my life.

The monster within me was sated...for now. My killing binge of traffickers ensured I’d fed the beast enough to be human. I hoped it would always remain sated, but...if one day the desire for bloodshed returned, I still had Q’s list. Still had a few names that could satisfy my creature’s darkness.

Ily pulled away and cupped my cheek with her gloved fingers. Her brilliant eyes glowed just as snowflakes spiralled from the sky. Fractals of white hid the world, placing us in our own snowy paradise.

I couldn’t handle the depth of fucking gratitude.

A month we’d slept side by side and healed.

A month of getting to know my brother, his son, and my sister-in-law.

A month of watching Ily on the phone with her parents. Her brother’s pictures of his rabbit. The messages from Rachel as she grew so close to her due date. Even Ben and Stewart stayed in touch, hinting that they wanted to chat about a business opportunity when we were ready to step back into society.

And not once had I tried to seduce her.

To be honest, I was afraid.

Afraid that I’d want to hurt her. That I’d need her tears or her fear.

I’d made a vow to never lay another finger on her. I intended to keep it.

Pressing her lips together, Ily canted her head and smiled. I want you too.

A soft chuckle fell from me. “What gave it away? The fact that I’m hard even with you dressed up like a marshmallow or that I’m finally strong enough not to limp like an old man.”

She glanced at the cane I’d thrown to the ground.

I didn’t really need it anymore.

I’d only used it because Q’s doctors were quite scary in their care, and they insisted I have some support while the torn muscle in my leg repaired.

“I feel it in the way you look at me,” she whispered. “I feel the answering tug in my belly. It’s been so long...too long. Let’s go back inside and—”

“What? Right now?” I sucked in a breath.

Once again, sheer love threatened to crack my ribs apart.

We had nowhere to be, no rules to follow, no Masters to please.

Just us.