Page 222 of Sienna Rossi: Beyond Shattered Trust

I focus on what I want to say.

“I didn’t panic because I didn’t want it. It wasn’t that. Not even for a second,” I continue.

Her eyes soften, and somehow that makes this harder.

“I panicked because the world is a fucking mess. Because you’re young. Because you’ve already had so much to deal with, and because I didn’t know if this was something you would want right now.” My jaw tightens as I look down at our joined hands. “And because for one second, I thought of Mom.”

The ache hits the moment I say it.

Even now.

Even after months have gone by, it still fucking hurts.

I feel Sienna’s emotions shift, her fingers tightening against my chest, the comfort seeping through the bond.

“She would have loved having you here,” I say quietly. “Not because you’re my mate, not because you’re going to be Luna, but because you’re you. She was so fucking happy when she knew we were mates. She would have fussed over you, fed you food she didn’t cook until you wouldn’t have been able to move, and would have whipped me into line without hesitation if I upset you.”

A weak laugh escapes Sienna; soft, sad, warm… And it almost breaks the composure I’m trying to keep.

“She would have been there,” I murmur, my throat tightening. “For you. For me. For our pup. And when I realised she wouldn’t be, I didn’t know how to fucking breathe for a minute.”

I slowly look into her red eyes that now glisten with unshed tears, but she still doesn’t speak, as if she knows I won’t be able to continue if she does.

I lift my hand to her face, brushing my thumb across her cheek.

“I was scared,” I admit. “I’m still scared. Not of being a father, not of claiming this future with you. I’m scared because I know what it feels like to fail you. I know what it feels like to watch you get hurt and know I wasn’t fast enough. I know what it feels like to think I might lose you and have no fucking idea how to stop it.”

My voice drops lower, my voice hoarse.

“And now it isn’t just you.”

Her breath catches.

I move my hand from her face to her stomach, my palm settling there with a gentleness that feels almost unnatural compared to the violence these hands have known.

“It’s this little one, too.”

Her hand covers mine instantly, and for a second, neither of us moves. Even the room feels too small for everything tearing through me.

“I don’t know how to be perfect,” I say quietly, staring at where our hands rest over her stomach. “I don’t know how to be the kind of man who always says the right thing. I don’t know how to stop every threat coming for us, and I don’t know how to promise you that this world will be safe by the time our pup is born.”

I look back up at her.

“But I can promise you this,” I continue. Her eyes lock with mine, and fuck, she is so beautiful it hurts. “I will be there. For every second of it. Every fear, every change, every pain, every craving at any crazy hour, every fight, every stupid argument we have because you’re stubborn and I’m worse. I’ll be there when you need to scream, when you need to cry, when you need space, when you need me close, when you don’t know what the fuck you need, but you need someone to stand there, anyway.”

A tear slips down her cheek, and I gently catch it before it falls.

“I’ll be there when our child takes its first breath. I’ll be there when they cry, when they’re ill, when they can’t sleep, when they shift for the first time or set something on fire because with our blood running through their veins, Goddess knows what the fuck they’ll be able to do.”

A broken laugh leaves her, and my chest tightens.

“I’ll be there when you’re tired, when you’re scared, when you think you have to carry everything alone because that’s what you do.” I lean closer, my forehead brushing hers. “But from here on out, we do everything together.”

Her fingers twist tighter in my shirt, her heart pounding.

“I’ve spent too long trying to protect myself from losing you,” I whisper. “Too long thinking distance would make it hurt less if something happened. But it doesn’t. It just made me a fucking coward in the eyes of the one person I never wanted to be one in front of.”

“Jayce…”