Page 69 of Where the Wattles Bloom

Oh, the irony.

‘I swear by these for morning sickness,’ she said. ‘I practically lived on them for the first four months when I was pregnant with Alice, and they worked for all four kids. At the first inkling of nausea I’d suck on one and it would keep it at bay for a while. Then I’d suck on another one. I’m amazed all my teeth didn’t fall out of my head.’

Rowena laughed as she took the colourfully wrapped roll. She hadn’t had a Life Saver since she was a kid. The hard, o-shaped, fruity lollies had been a particular fave, though.

‘It might not work for you but it’s worth a try.’

‘Absolutely.’ Rowena pocketed the roll. ‘I’ll give anything a go and it sure as hell beats the cucumber and watercress smoothie one of Reggie’s CWA ladies swears by.’

Diana shuddered. ‘Just thinking about that makes me want to throw up.’

‘I know, right?’

They laughed then, but Diana quickly sobered as she eyed Rowena speculatively. ‘Look … I know this is none of my business so tell me to go jump in a lake if you want, but … have you spoken to your psychologist since you’ve found out about the baby? It’s a big change in your life and sometimes those things can … knock you off course.’

Rowena smiled gratefully at her boss, who had just tiptoed, very elegantly, through a potential minefield.

‘Thank you for asking.’ Rowena appreciated that Diana was looking out for her. She was a really good boss. ‘I actually have a Zoom scheduled with her this afternoon.’

‘Oh.’ Diana let out a breath, her relief palpable. ‘That’s great. And any way I can help here at work to make things easier for you, just let me know.’

Rowena smiled. ‘Thank you. I will.’

*

Helena Chandra was a few years older than Rowena but looked ten years younger. She spoke softly, wore floral-framed glasses and a large purple flower ring, and, despite appearances, was no pushover. As a first-generation Australian from the burbs of western Sydney, she wasn’t afraid to dig in and ask the tough questions or cut to the chase.

‘You’re worried you’re going to lose the baby.’

Rowena blinked back hot tears. ‘I know I am.’

There was a long, considered pause then. ‘I understand with your history and your age you’d have those concerns.’

‘Yes.’

‘And also from our previous sessions I know that you feel like you don’t deserve a baby because of the abortion.’

Rowena swallowed against the thickness in her throat. ‘Yes,’ she murmured, her voice husky.

‘Is that why you think you’re going to lose this baby?’

‘Yes.’

‘Okay.’

Waiting for her therapist to elaborate, Rowena didn’t say anything for several beats. When Helena remained silent—one of her favourite tricks—Rowena filled the space. As Helena knew she would.

‘I know it’s not … logical.’

Helena shrugged. ‘For highly complex, highly organised, highly rational beings, humans often aren’t logical.’

‘I could have had the baby.’ Deep in her heart, Rowena had always known that was an option. ‘It was only twenty years ago. Not fifty or a hundred. I was … self-centred. Selfish.’

‘Your parents wanted you to have the abortion.’

‘Yeah, but I could have refused.’ Her conservative parents had been shocked at their studious daughter’s predicament and then quickly moved into damage control, as her mother had called it, panicked about the disruption to her schooling and career trajectory. Other options had never really been offered, but they hadn’t put a gun to her head either.

‘You were fifteen. You were a child.’