Page 10 of Elizabeth Bennet and the Scottish Laird

“I am perfectly certain that we shall be homeless if I refuse.” Bitterness coated her tongue. “I am perfectly certain that Mama and our sisters need security. That Mr MacKinnon is offering more than we have any right to expect.”

“That is not what I asked, dearest.”

Elizabeth turned to face her sister. “What I feel is irrelevant, Jane. What matters is what is practical. What is necessary for our family's survival.”

“You have always said you would only marry for the deepest love. You laughed at Charlotte for accepting Mr Collins.”

“That was before.” Elizabeth's voice cracked. She steadied it. “Before Papa died. Before I understood what the alternative looked like. Charlotte was wiser than I gave her credit for.”

“Lizzy, you must not—”

“I shall accept him, Jane. Of course I shall accept him. It is the sensible thing to do. I have no choice.”

“You have a choice,” Jane said quietly. “The question is whether you can live with the consequences.”

“Can you?” Elizabeth's voice rose despite herself. “Can you live with Mama and our sisters turned out? With Lydia and Kitty forced to work as governesses, if they can even find such positions? With all of us dependent on Uncle Gardiner's charity? Can you live with that, Jane?”

Jane's eyes filled with tears. They did not fall. “No. But neither can I bear to see you sacrifice yourself.”

“It is not a sacrifice.” Elizabeth turned back to the window. “Mr MacKinnon is a good man. He offers me freedom to manage the estate. Most wives have far less.”

“But is it enough? For you?”

Elizabeth briefly closed her eyes. “It will have to be.”

Jane took Elizabeth's hand in hers. “Then I will support you in whatever you decide. But Lizzy, I will also pray that you find more in this marriage than mere necessity. You deserve happiness and to be loved.”

Elizabeth's laugh was hollow. “Love is a luxury. We cannot afford luxuries now.”

“Love is not a luxury. It is…”

“What? Essential? Jane, you of all people should know better.” The words came out harsh. Elizabeth regretted them immediately. “Forgive me. That was cruel.”

Jane's expression did not change. She squeezed Elizabeth's hand. “Mr Bingley's departure hurt me deeply. But I do not regret loving him, even if it came to nothing. I would rather have known that feeling, however briefly, than never to have experienced it at all. He sent me a beautiful letter after Papa’s demise. Even though I know now we shall never be wed, I am still grateful for our brief courtship and lifelong friendship.”

“You are braver than I am, then.”

“No.” Jane’s smile was sad. “I think perhaps you are the brave one. Making the practical choice when your heart wants something else requires a different kind of courage.”

Elizabeth embraced her sister. For just a moment, she allowed herself a glimmer of weakness as she leaned on Jane’s strength.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered.

“For what?”

“For not telling me I am being foolish. For understanding.”

Jane pulled back and cupped Elizabeth's face in her hands. “You are the cleverest, strongest person I know. Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice. I have faith in you, even when you do not have faith in yourself.”

After Jane left, Elizabeth remained at the window. Watching the light die. The sky deepened from purple to indigo to black. The first stars appeared. Cold. Distant.

Malcolm MacKinnon would be a good master of Longbourn. All she had to do was marry him and content herself with respect instead of love.

She thought of Papa, who had loved this land. Despite the situation he had left them in, her father had tried his best to preserve Longbourn. He had known every tenant by name, every tree, every hedgerow. He would want his family protected.

He would understand what she must do, even if understanding brought no comfort.

Chapter 4