Page 21 of Minha Dona

“For you I’ll cancel my afternoon. Seriously.”

They ordered their food and then Helena explained the situation as fully as she dared, filling in the gaps that she’d deliberately left opaque when telling Isabella in the past, albeit glossing over the more intimate details. It helped for Isabella to know about how they’d ended up sleeping together that first time, how it had built over a crazy week from there, how they’d left it, but she absolutely did not need to know how Helena had made Caitlin willingly crawl naked to her in her own home, nor any of the other ways in which Caitlin had surrendered to her so completely.

When she got to the end, Isabella sat back and grinned. “Wow… I knew you were missing her, but… wow.” She gave Helena’s hand an affectionate pat. “And seeing your face light up when you talk about her… look, Helena, I can see it.”

“So what do I do?” Helena asked. “Do I follow my gut and decline the invite?”

Isabella looked at her intently for a few moments. “I’m going to ask you some questions. Answer me truthfully. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“If she wasn’t going, would you go?”

“Yes. Without hesitation.”

“Right, remember that. Next, do you ever want to see her again?”

“Of course.”

“Ok, remember that too. Final question, and this is actually a really easy one… are you out of your fucking mind?”

Helena sat back, shocked, then saw Isabella was smiling. “That was it, after all I just told you, two and a half questions?”

“Half is being charitable for the last one… but seriously. Imagine if you don’t go, you’ll always wonder what might have been for your career and what might have been with Caitlin. Even if you go and Caitlin blanks you and it’s terrible, at least you know.”

Helena nodded slowly. Isabella was right, and it was blindingly obvious. Of course she’d go.

Their bill arrived and Helena insisted on paying. “I needed you to make me see that,” she said.

“Any time,” Isabella replied, giving her a friendly goodbye hug. “Just one other thing… work out where Juliana sits in all this before you go. You owe it to her, you owe it to you, you owe it to Caitlin because if Caitlin does feel something still for you then you need to know what you can and cannot do. Promise me you’ll think about that.”

Helena nodded slowly… it was wise counsel, and where Juliana fit into her life after that insane encounter in the alleyway that Sunday evening was becoming increasingly blurred.

They’d seen each other once more since then, on Friday night, and it had been intense. Both women had kept up the pretence that this was still an education, but for the first time Juliana had taken charge from the start right through to the end and Helena had been her willing submissive. It hadn’t felt to Helena like she was pretending, it had felt like she was genuinely submitting to a dominant mistress, and she didn’t really understand where that left things between them or what the future might bring.

Helena needed to speak to Juliana, she realised, openly, honestly, and soon.

Chapter 8

Helena met Juliana at a wine bar near her apartment later that week, and Juliana was her usual fun, bubbly self. This wasn’t what they did, funnily enough. They’d never socialised just the two of them, instead either happening to see each other on bigger nights out (albeit those encounters had grown to be more deliberately engineered as the months had passed) or arranging to go to one or the other’s apartment to continue Juliana’s education.

So, meeting like this was new and, after half an hour in Juliana’s company, nice. They talked about a pitch Helena had worked on earlier in the week and Juliana talked about a breakthrough in her research methodology that her supervisor had been full of praise for.

It was as Juliana poured them their second glasses that she asked.

“This is lovely, really lovely,” she said, looking intently at Helena. “But we don’t do this. What’s the story?”

Helena looked back at her. It would be easy to forget that beneath the surface Juliana was a fiercely intelligent woman, and nobody’s fool.

Eventually, she said, “I wanted to ask about us.”

Juliana nodded slowly. “Ok… big conversation.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“It should be though. Things have changed in the last couple of weeks…”

“You noticed too?” Helena asked.