Page 30 of Minha Dona

“How did you find people?”

“Apps, mostly. I tried the mainstream ones first. Set my preferences, wrote a profile that was deliberately vague about what I was looking for because I didn’t know how to say, ‘I’m a newly bisexual partner-track consultant who wants a woman to dominate me in the bedroom but treat me as an equal everywhere else’ in a way that wouldn’t terrify people.” She shrugged. “Or get spotted by a colleague.”

Helena laughed, and Caitlin grinned at her own description.

“Exactly. Not great dating profile material. But I matched with a few women, went on some dates.” She glanced down at her wine. “The first woman I went out with properly was called Sarah. Marketing executive, early thirties, attractive, smart. We had dinner, we had drinks, we went back to hers.”

“And?”

“And it was… fine. Good, even. She was a good kisser, we had chemistry. We slept together that night and a couple more times after.” Caitlin looked at Helena directly. “It confirmed something important to me. I was genuinely attracted to women. Not just to you… to women. The sex was good. Different from men, obviously, but good.”

Helena managed to keep her expression neutral even as she processed the irrational jolt of jealousy that came from hearing Caitlin describe sleeping with someone else. I told Caitlin to explore, to discover what she really wanted. This is what exploring looks like.

“But?” Helena prompted, because there was clearly a but.

“But there was no… fire. No dynamic. We were two women in bed together being perfectly nice to each other and it was very pleasant but it wasn’t…” Caitlin trailed off, looking at Helena with an expression that made the rest of the sentence unnecessary.

“It wasn’t what you’d experienced before.”

“Not even close. I tried to introduce some of it. I asked her if she’d be comfortable taking the lead, being more assertive. She tried, but she was naturally gentle and it felt forced for both of us. We parted as friends. She’s actually lovely, I still see her sometimes.” Caitlin smiled. “Platonically I mean.”

Helena nodded. “And after Sarah?”

“There was a woman called Alex. A friend of a friend. More chemistry this time, she was more confident. We tried some light d/s, I asked for it explicitly, told her what I wanted. She was willing but she’d never done anything like it before.”

“How did that go?”

Caitlin winced. “Awkwardly. She… I’ll spare me and her the details. She tried, but she was so nervous about it and so worried she might hurt me. I liked her a lot as a person but she didn’t have the…” Caitlin searched for the word. “The instinct. The ability to read me. To know what I needed without me having to ask.”

The way I could, Helena thought but didn’t say.

“How long did Alex last?”

“About a month. We’re better as friends too.” Caitlin took a drink. “So at that point I had a bit of a reckoning with myself. I knew what I wanted. The therapy had helped me name it, Sarah had confirmed the attraction to women was real, Alex had shown me that the submissive element wasn’t optional. I needed it, genuinely needed it, not as an experiment but as something central. The question was how to find someone who could give me that.”

Helena watched Caitlin carefully. She could see the change in her expression… she’d covered the easy parts, but there was something coming here, something significant. Something that really mattered.

Is this it? Where she tells me she has a girlfriend, she’s in a relationship? Helena didn’t dare to even think, she just waited, giving Caitlin time.

“So I did what I always do when I need to solve a problem,” Caitlin continued. “I researched. Read everything I could find. Books, articles, forums. Learned the terminology, the structures, the community. I wanted to understand properly before I went looking.” She smiled thinly. “Very me, right? Can’t even discover my own sexuality without a reading list.”

“I think it’s smart. Most people stumble into it without understanding what they’re getting into.”

“That’s what I thought too.” Caitlin paused, and Helena could see her steadying herself for what came next. “I found a dating app. One specifically for people interested in that sort of dynamic. I made a profile. Honest this time… about what I wanted, what I was looking for, where I was in my journey. I matched with someone almost immediately.”

The atmosphere in their little corner of the bar felt charged now. Helena said nothing, she just waited, giving Caitlin the space she needed.

Finally, Caitlin continued.

“That’s how I met Zoe.”

Chapter 12

“Zoe,” Caitlin said, and she seemed to turn inwards momentarily, a rueful smile playing across her lips. She took a slow drink of her wine, gathering herself. “Where to start?"

“Wherever you want.”

“At the beginning then.” Caitlin settled deeper into the armchair, slipping off her heels and tucking one leg beneath her in a way that was so unlike her usual composed posture that it told Helena something in itself… Caitlin was getting comfortable, letting her guard drop. With a jolt, Helena remembered another time, their first night, telling Caitlin to take off her shoes. Not the moment to reminisce, she thought, not at all.