Page 55 of Minha Dona

“Do you think you’ll stay in São Paulo your whole career?” Caitlin asked once their drinks had arrived.

“Oh, that’s a good question.” Helena thought for a moment. “There’s two versions of the answer to that… do you want the one I’d tell my mother, or the true one I tell myself.”

“The one you tell yourself.”

“Good. Short version, no, I don’t.” Helena shook her head. “Not that you can’t make a full career here, of course you can, and I think if I want to make partner by the time I’m thirty and break your record,” she grinned at Caitlin, “the most I could do is some secondments. But once I’m partner I want to see the world properly, live somewhere different for a while. It seems narrow-minded to want to stay in one place, even if your family and friends are here.”

“Where do you think you’d go?”

Helena thought about that for a few moments. “Europe again, maybe. I did my MBA in Paris, I could live there very happily. London maybe? Though the weather…”

Caitlin laughed, and Helena remembered that she’d done her own MBA in London. “That resonates…”

“It has a lot going for it though. One of the US offices could be good.” She nearly said that she’d really enjoyed Houston but held her tongue on that one… not the time to be hinting that one day she could show up in Caitlin’s home city, particularly so many years in the future. “It would be hard though… I’ve got my life here, my friends and family. So I might well end up staying. We’ll see.” She took a sip of her wine. “A lot can change. How about you?”

“I’ve thought about it a lot since I made partner. In fact, let me tell you something funny. Partner. We’re all conditioned to want to be one, and we all think that once you get there you’ve made it. But I’ve realised, and apparently this happens a lot, that partner isn’t the destination, instead it is more like the start of the journey. There’s a lot of layers to partnership, and a lot to do.” Caitlin shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly what that means with your question.”

“That makes sense. Let me ask my question differently… do you want to stay in Houston?”

“Not necessarily. Houston is home but it doesn’t have to be home forever. The firm has offices everywhere. I could transfer, I could take international assignments. One of the partners mentioned a possible role in the London office next year… nothing concrete, but the conversation happened.” She smiled. “I’m a Texan who’s never really left Texas, save for business school in London, client visits, and the occasional holiday… I feel like I need to live a little, and if I can do that as part of my career then even better. If a managing partner role came up for an office somewhere, anywhere, it would be hard to turn it down.”

“What about the personal stuff?” Helena asked, keeping her voice casual even though the conversation was heading into territory that they’d never been in before, the kind of topics that could make or break them. “Do you want kids?”

Caitlin was quiet for a moment. “No,” she said. “I’ve thought about it a lot, particularly since my friends all seem to either have kids or be about to have them at the moment. Lots of them have been asking since I made partner, which is ridiculous… as if I’ve fulfilled myself professionally so now it’s time to start reproducing.” She smiled wryly. “I like kids. My cousins have got kids, and I like spending time with them. But I also like giving them back… I guess I want to be the cool aunt who spoils them. But my own? No, I don’t think I’m built for it. I value my independence and my career too much…” She gestured between them. “Not to mention my life that I’m learning to live. I’m not sure what I’ve been discovering about myself since we worked together in Houston is compatible with motherhood, nor do I want it to be.”

“I feel the same,” Helena replied. “It’s not something you can say easily in a Brazilian family where your mother is already planning her grandchildren’s baptisms.”

Caitlin laughed. “She’s not really, is she?”

Helena laughed too and nodded. “She is. She’s given up on me for now, ever since my last boyfriend and I split up, but Mariana has Lucas who she’s kind-of-seeing and if my mother had her choice then they’d be married next month and she’d have grandchildren within the year. But they’re on-again-off-again all the time. They were on a couple of weeks ago. Now, they’re not even speaking to each other. And Beatriz, I think she’s pinning a lot of hopes on her even though she’s younger than both of us and nowhere near settling down.” She paused and grinned. “I’ll be favourite aunt. Mariana will probably be the one to settle down first, she’s more traditional beneath it all, and I’ll spoil them rotten then hand them back.”

“The cool aunt.”

“It’s a very important role.”

Caitlin nodded and took another sip of her drink. Helena watched her and thought, this is almost too good to be true… we both want the same things. I mustn’t get carried away though, it is early still. Promising though.

Helena raised her glass. “To cool aunts who want to see the world.”

She thought that she could see recognition in Caitlin’s eyes as she raised her glass too. “To cool aunts and spoiled nieces and nephews.”

Chapter 21

Helena padded back into the bedroom silently, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. Caitlin was asleep still, naked, beautiful and content. They may have been equals throughout their day together, but once they’d got home again after dinner and dancing their dynamic had shifted. Helena had deliberately left everything out when they’d eventually slept, the four silk ties tied to the four corners of the bed frame the most obvious but also the vibrator sat brazenly on the nightstand… she wanted Caitlin to wake up and remember how gloriously, wonderfully submissive she’d become in the darkness of Helena’s bedroom last night.

She wondered for a moment whether to wake Caitlin up, but decided not to… she was on holiday, after all, and Helena’s opinion was firmly that Caitlin must be running a sleep deficit that she needed to correct. Instead, she went back through to the living room and sat on the couch, thinking.

Helena had woken up with an idea.

It was an idea that, she suspected, had been turning over in her subconscious ever since Miami… remembering how Caitlin seemed to enjoy and respond to games in public, whether it was the secret gestures at drinks on the last night of the conference, or the game they’d played during the townhall meeting back in Houston where Caitlin slipped phrases into her panel discussion and adopted postures that only her and Helena knew the real meaning of.

What is the natural evolution of that? she wondered. How can I give Caitlin an experience that goes beyond in a way that she enjoyed?

Her mind went back to a game she’d played with her last boyfriend… one where he’d been the dominant and she’d had the enjoyment of being owned in public. It had been good. In fact, it had been very, very good.

Helena stood and walked over to the bedroom that she kept as her playroom, the one room she’d kept from Caitlin on their tour on that first night. In the second drawer she found what she was looking for… small, curved, achingly stylish and remote controlled. Designed to be worn for long periods, she’d bought it a few months back with Juliana in mind to mixed results… Juliana being Juliana had been a willing participant but had found it more amusing than erotic. Very her. Caitlin, though, she was different. Helena knew that Caitlin responded to hidden control well. She was someone who didn’t just find public obedience arousing but also profound.

She walked back through and, after topping up her coffee, sat and waited for an unsuspecting Caitlin to emerge.