Page 58 of Minha Dona

“Very much.” Caitlin looked at her with an expression that made Helena’s chest ache, open, happy, trusting. “This is what this dynamic should be like, isn’t it? Fun. Playful. Not controlling, not punishing. Just… two people enjoying each other.”

“That’s exactly what it should be like.”

“Zoe would have made this about obedience. About proving something. You’re making it about joy.”

Helena reached across the table and took Caitlin’s hand. “Joy is the point, Gatinha, for both of us. Everything else is just technique.”

After lunch they walked through more of the city. Helena took Caitlin to the Ibirapuera Park, vast and green, where they walked along the lake and Helena told stories about playing in it as children. She turned the device on intermittently throughout the afternoon, varying the levels… a couple of times at level one or two while they were walking, level five while they stood hand-in-hand looking at a monument. The realisation of what Caitlin’s body must be going through as her hand tightened on Helena’s and her breath started to come in gasps was thrilling and exquisite in equal measure.

And once, when they stopped to buy water and Helena was at the kiosk while Caitlin sat at a table, she switched it to level ten, just for a couple of seconds, but it was long enough… Caitlin’s eyes shot to her, wide in her surprise, and she almost looked disappointed when Helena stopped it as abruptly as it had started.

“You’re getting bolder,” Caitlin managed to say when Helena sat down. She was flushed and breathless.

“You’re getting better at hiding it.”

“I’m not hiding it. I’m dying inside.”

“You look fine.”

“I know that I don’t. I look like a woman who’s been edged for four hours and is desperate, absolutely desperate, for some release.”

Helena laughed. “Nonsense. You look like a woman who’s enjoying São Paulo with her friend.”

Caitlin’s look didn’t suggest that she agreed with Helena on that point.

***

By mid-afternoon Caitlin was visibly affected. Her cheeks permanently flushed, her breathing faster than usual, and there was a brightness to her eyes that anyone who knew her would recognise but that to strangers would simply look like a woman having a good time in the sun. She was handling it with extraordinary composure, but Helena could see the cracks starting to show… the way her hand kept going to her thigh as if she could press against the device through the fabric of her dress, the way she bit her lip when Helena’s hand went to the remote control.

“I need a break,” Caitlin said as they emerged from the park. “I need to sit down and have a coffee. More than anything I need to not be vibrated for at least ten minutes.”

“Deal.” Helena led her to a café she knew, a quiet place on a side street with tables outside, shaded by umbrellas. They sat across from each other, ordered coffees, and Helena made a show of putting the remote control in her bag. “See? Off. You’re safe.”

“I don’t believe you for a second.”

“You shouldn’t. But it is off. For now.” Helena paused. “Unless, of course, you say a certain word.” She watched Caitlin for a moment. “Do you want to?”

Without hesitation, Caitlin simply said, “Verde.”

Helena nodded with a little smile. “I thought so.”

Their coffees arrived. Caitlin drank hers with the desperation of someone who needed both the caffeine hit and the normality of a mundane act. They talked about nothing consequential… the coffee, the weather, a dog at the next table that Caitlin was charmed by. A few minutes of ordinary life. Helena let her settle, let her believe the game was truly paused… lulling her into a false sense of security.

Then, when Caitlin was mid-sentence about the traffic on the street, Helena reached for the remote control.

Level eight.

Caitlin stopped talking. Her mouth stayed open, her eyes went slightly wide, and Helena watched her process the sudden escalation, higher than anything she’d used all day except for the brief blast of level ten. Helena knew the device was delivering a sustained, insistent pulse, and even Caitlin, for all of her resilience, couldn’t fight it. There was a tremor in her hand, a sharp inhale of breath, the coffee cup put down a little bit too hard.

Helena left it on.

“You were saying something about the traffic,” Helena said mildly.

“I was…” Caitlin’s voice was strained but still just about under control. “I was saying that the cars are… that they’re… that…” She swallowed and gasped. “Helena.”

“Yes?”

“Helena, you need to…”