Page 86 of Minha Dona

“Good night?” Helena said eventually.

“The best night.” Caitlin glanced over in the moonlight and Helena could see her eyes were as alive as she’d ever seen them. “Your friends are wonderful. Juliana is wonderful. Mariana is terrifying and wonderful. Brazil is wonderful.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m absolutely drunk and everything is wonderful.” A pause. “Helena.”

“Mmm?”

“I want to say something and I want you to hear it as a genuine thought rather than a drunk ramble.”

“Is it a drunken ramble?”

“I’m only brave enough to say it because I’m drunk, so maybe? Not a ramble though… definitely not a ramble.”

Helena smiled. “Well in that case I’m listening.”

Caitlin was quiet for a moment, gathering herself. She came to a stop in the sand and Helena stopped opposite her.

“I’ve been thinking about you and Juliana.”

Helena tilted her head. Not what I was expecting. “Ok…? What about us?”

“I’d love to see you with Juliana.”

Helena’s heartbeat spiked but she kept her voice steady. “See me with her how?”

“I’d love to watch you. I mean, watch her dominate you.” Caitlin shifted from one foot to the other, but her gaze stayed fixed on Helena’s. “I’ve been thinking about it since you told me about her. About the switching, about what that looks like for you. And tonight, talking to her, watching her… she’s got something, Helena. A confidence, an authority. I can see why you surrender to her and not the other way around.”

“Caitlin…” Helena wasn’t sure what to say, but she felt like she needed to say something. This was unexpected territory, and her mind was fuzzy from all the alcohol.

“I know. It’s crazy. Forget I said it if it’s too much.” Caitlin took Helena’s hand in hers and started walking down the beach again. Helena let herself be led. “Drunk thoughts. Ignore me.”

“I’m not ignoring you.” Helena stared out at the moonlit ocean, her mind racing. “You’re asking if you can watch Juliana dominate me?”

“I’m saying I’d find it… meaningful. Not just hot, though obviously watching someone as stunning as you with someone like her would be, well, hot. Meaningful though, that’s the main thing. I desperately want to understand that side of you better, the side that surrenders. Because I think if I see it, if I really see what it looks like when someone else holds you the way you hold me, I’ll understand you better.” She paused. “All of you.”

Helena walked on and felt the significance of the request. It was bigger than sex, bigger than a kink or their dynamic. Caitlin is asking to see the most vulnerable version of me, she thought. The version of me that very few people have seen, the version that I’ve never fully showed to a submissive… the version that was born with my jeans around my knees over Alessandra’s lap and refined over the years. Hearing that Caitlin wanted to witness that was both utterly terrifying and almost painfully touching.

“Let me think about it,” Helena said. “At least when I’m sober,” she added, flashing a smile at Caitlin who smiled back.

“Of course. No pressure. No disappointment if the answer is no.”

“The answer isn’t no. The answer is let me think about it.”

Caitlin leaned across and kissed her shoulder. “Think about it. I’ll be here when you’ve decided.”

When they got into the pool house they fooled around a little, but when Helena came back from brushing her teeth in the bathroom Caitlin was deep asleep, sprawled across the covers. Maybe she’s a little drunker than she let on, Helena thought. She guided Caitlin under the sheets, helping her out of her clothes, then climbed in next to her and turned the lights off.

She lay awake for a long time, listening amused to Caitlin’s quiet snores, listening too to the ocean through the window, thinking about Juliana’s hands and Caitlin’s eyes and the question of whether she was brave enough to be seen at her most surrendered by the person whose opinion mattered to her most in the world.

Yes, she thought eventually. The answer is yes, if Juliana is interested.

Then she smiled to herself in the dark. But I’ll check in with sober me in the morning.

As she closed her eyes and let sleep take her, another thought occurred. The submissive is the true dominant… my philosophy that guides everything, because the submissive is the one with the strength to surrender. She let that run around her head for a few moments. Yes, absolutely yes, I know I have the strength, and I know I want Caitlin to see that, to see all of me.

With that thought she relaxed completely, the decision made, the anticipation already building.