Page 51 of Falling for the King

‘How far into your marriage did he make you feel that?’

She pressed her nails deeper. ‘Our wedding night.’

He cursed again.

‘He should have been horse whipped … You know it’s not true, don’t you?’

‘I … I …’ She took a breath to compose herself not wanting to come completely undone.

‘That’s the way he felt about me.’

‘He was an idiot.’

She huffed out a rusty laugh at his choice of wording, so un-Xavier like.

‘He had no right to treat you like that, to put any such doubts into your head that are blatantly untrue.’ He paled. ‘Did he … force you?’

‘No.’

‘Would you tell me what happened?’

She scanned his face full of sincerity and concern and the urge to tell him overrode everything else.

‘He made it clear he found me lacking in every way. I was too short, too curvy, too awkward, too shy, too everything.’

Fury crossed his face, his jaw twitched but he remained silent as tension vibrated from him like a visible force as she said the words she’d never shared with anyone.

‘I’d saved myself for our wedding night. I thought it was a special thing but it wasn’t good or special. He made it clear he only consummated our marriage so it was legal because of the arrangement with my father. That he didn’t enjoy it, and it was my fault.’

She shuddered at the memory, the absolute agony of being a shy eighteen-year-old and having him turn into a different person on their wedding night.

Xavier advanced slowly his hands raised in front of him in peace, in surrender. She put up a hand to stop him, she had to get it all out, to finish it.

‘He wanted me to know how little he thought of me. How he found me unappealing. How much he enjoyed other women who could give him what I couldn’t. He never came near me again.’

‘I hate that you had to live through that. That you had to endure a wedding night like that, a marriage like that. I’m ashamed to call him brother, ashamed I didn’t step in.’ His voice shook with emotion and he looked completely appalled by what she’d told him.

‘This was between Max and I. And I stayed because I was too embarrassed not to. I was going to wait a year then leave, but by then I loved Maynet and I wanted to stay. You know the rest.’

‘I let you down.’ He dragged a hand over the back of his head.

‘Never.’

‘That’s not true.’ A flush slashed up his cheekbones in contrast to his unusually ashen face. ‘And last night when I lost control overstepping all boundaries, I scared you. That’s the absolute last thing I wanted to do.’

‘Scared me?’

His lips flattened, his remorse palpable.

‘You didn’t. I was scared by my response. I never knew it could be like that …’ She pulled herself up. Last night was what she’d been expecting from her wedding night. Now years later she realised even if Max hadn’t changed completely towards her, it still wouldn’t have been like that between them. Because what she felt for Xavier, the connection, the passion, never existed with Max, not even at the start. A connection and passion to Xavier that couldn’t go anywhere, that needed to be stamped out.

His eyes blazed.

‘Neither did I.’

‘Really?’ Had she heard him correctly?

‘Really! It’s never been like that for me.’ He rubbed a hand down his face before something sad then resolute settled on his features. ‘But that doesn’t change the reality that I’ll be getting married and soon.’