Page 137 of Falling for Mr. October

“Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Emily demands, sounding frustrated. “I’m going to outlaw phones at future meetings.”

Miles grins at her. “Probably for the best.”

“We’re going to tell everyone what’s going on,” I decide. “But can you turn off the Dong of Discussion first, cara mia?” I ask Bianca. “It’s distracting.”

I try to smile, but I’m not really feeling it. I guess that’s what happens when your stalker claims you impregnated her.

Bianca shuts off the vibration but holds the stick high as she glances at the rest of the book club. “Actually, this is a closed meeting. Only the Shirties can stay.”

The handful of book club members who aren’t Shirties grumble at each other, one of them saying something about too much excitement being bad for digestion. Three of them leave, and the fourth says she’s too comfortable to get up just yet but offers to turn off her hearing aid.

Bianca glances at me, and I shrug.

“Here’s what’s happening,” she says, still holding the dong.

Everyone leans in closer, as if we’re in a sports huddle.

“Giovanni’s crazy ex-girlfriend has been talking to a reporter from It’s Not Gossip, who ironically is only interested in gossip. She told them she’s pregnant with Giovanni’s baby. But he hasn’t touched his ex in over a year, and we have proof that she’s been stalking him.”

“Wait,” says the last remaining Not-a-Shirtie. “I haven’t turned off my hearing aid just yet.”

“A little late for that, Diana,” Luanne says. “Any ideas for our boy?”

“If the girl’s pregnant, he should marry her,” Diana says unhelpfully. “That’s the only decent thing to do.”

“She’s already married to someone else,” I point out.

“Oh dear,” Diana offers with a cluck of her tongue.

“But it’s definitely not my baby.” I look at Miles and then Emily, needing them to believe that truth too. “I mean, okay, she snuck into my apartment a couple of months ago⁠—”

“Oh dear,” Diana mutters again.

“But I didn’t sleep with her,” I clarify. “It freaked me out so bad I came here.”

Miles nods. “I remember. You told me all this when I visited you.”

“This reporter lady asked for a comment,” Emily says, gesturing to the phone in Bianca’s hand. “So, why don’t you make a comment? Send her the receipts.”

I think of all the unhinged emails and texts Janine has sent me. “That might do it.”

“Actually…scratch that. This woman’s definitely not on your side. She’s looking for a scandal.” Emily peers at the screen of my phone. “Unless you’ve got something definitive, like Janine saying she’s going to paint her walls with your blood, she might still publish her article. It’s your word against hers until they can do a blood test.”

I shudder at the thought of waiting months for this to be resolved. Will my agent drop me? Will my fans lose faith in me? Will I lose everything I’ve finally accepted that I want?

“You’re right. I can’t control everything.” I pause before adding, “But I do have a plan. I agreed to do an interview on Friday with Good Day USA.”

It’s one of the top morning broadcast shows in the country.

My plan was to hash it all out with them and scoop the It’s Not Gossip lady before she could publish a single word.

Bianca taps me with the dong, which would probably have made me laugh—or claim it and use it on her—under happier and more private circumstances.

“Please put that down,” I say.

She taps me again before setting it on the table. “And you didn’t tell us, why? Talk about burying the lede, Giovanni.”

“I wanted to make sure it was actually happening first. I’m waiting for my agent to confirm the details. She’s supposed to send cameramen to the farm.”