Page 140 of The Devil’s Lair

Getting up is not elegant. There’s a moment where I feel as though I’m going to tip right off the other side and land face down on the grass, but all too soon, I’m astride Pepper. She’s wider than I expected, and the ground does seem an awfully long way down.

I grip the front of the saddle. “I’m not sure about this.”

“You’re doing great. Isn’t she, Isla?”

Isla nods. “Good, Mama.”

Tobias stuffs my other foot into the stirrup and shows me how to hold the reins. His patience and calm approach slows my heartbeat, although the knot in my stomach remains.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

He takes hold of both sets of reins and clicks his tongue. Pepper takes a step, and I suppress a squeal. It’s the weirdest feeling in the world having a living being beneath you. I can feel her muscles flexing as she walks.

We move in a slow circle, with Tobias between the two of us, unhurried and completely unbothered by the fact he is simultaneously managing a freaked-out wife and an exuberant four-year-old. I listen intently to his every instruction: heels down, hands light on the reins, eyes up.

“How are you doing up there?”

“Don’t talk to me. I’m concentrating.”

He bites back a smile. “Gotcha.”

After the first few minutes, Pepper starts to feel less like a snorting beast who has death on her mind—namely mine—and more like a safety net. She carefully places each hoof, and when I murmur “Good girl”, her ears flick back.

“She’s listening to you,” Tobias says.

“More like she’s checking I haven’t fallen off.”

He chuckles. “Think I would have noticed if that had happened. Try to relax your hips and sit down in the saddle. Don’t fight her movement. Move with her.”

I try. It takes another couple of circuits around the fenced-off paddock for my shoulders to unhunch and the knot in my stomach to vanish. When I stop bracing for every step and just move with Pepper, it’s different. Surprisingly different.

“There you go,” Tobias says. “Does that feel better?”

“Much. This isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.”

“Things rarely are when we face our fears. It’s the unknown that’s the most frightening part of all.”

I turn my face up to the sun. A few short months ago, I was living in terror, abused, alone, and no way to escape, with a daughter who was too traumatized to speak. And now… I can hardly believe it. None of us have had it easy, and we all have months, maybe years of therapy ahead to slay the demons that threatened to ruin our lives, but every day is a step toward healing. My therapist regularly reminds me of that. One day at a time.

Tobias gradually lets the reins out in small increments, giving me a little more control. We ride until Isla starts to list in that way that tells me she’s about five minutes from falling asleep, no matter where she is.

“Shall we call it a day?”

I grin and jerk my chin at Isla. “Probably best before she takes a nap in the saddle.”

Tobias helps Isla down first, then me. My legs feel weak, but I brace my thighs and straighten my spine. Tobias balances Isla on his hip and takes Clover’s reins, leaving me with Pepper. She’s so docile as she plods along beside me, giving me the odd nuzzle. I think I might already love her a little bit.

Who knows. Maybe I will catch this riding bug after all.

The grooms take the horses from us. Isla’s fast asleep in Tobias’s arms within seconds.

“Want me to take her?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve got her.”

We begin the trek back to the house.