Page 77 of The Christmas Highland Lodge

I insisted on making us all tea.

Every so often, my attention strayed out of Rowan Moore House to the snow, fresh layers of it settling along the driveway and thick hedgerows.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the treacherous conditions. My imagination was swamping me, suffocating me.

When my mobile let out its familiar ring, I scrambled across the dining room table to answer it.

It wasn’t Blake, nor Malcolm with news. My heart deflated.

It was Mum.

‘Darling, is it true? We just had Jocelyn Crill in the shop here and she said she heard from one of her friends who’s in the local book club that that handsome young man you work with has gone missing up Ben Linn with a couple of tourists?’

Hearing what had happened fall from my mother’s lips made the situation even more concerning.

‘Yes, that’s right. We’ve contacted Malcolm at mountain rescue.’ I forced myself to try and sound a bit brighter. ‘I’m sure they’re all fine and have just been held up on their way back down by the weather.’

‘Yes, that’s what it’ll be,’ agreed Mum. She paused. ‘Please try not to worry, sweetheart. Your young man will be ok.’

‘Oh, he isn’t my young man,’ I rushed. ‘It’s nothing like that at all. We’re just work colleagues. You know, acquaintances.’

I watched the flakes tumbling from the milky sky.

‘You like him though, don’t you?’

I found myself pacing up and down in front of the dining room window, with its floor-length claret patterned drapes and the huge, stunning Christmas tree standing guard in the main hall. ‘Blake is a friend,’ I blustered. ‘I know we didn’t hit it off at all at the beginning, but…’

But what? What had happened between us? I thought about last night, when Blake had looked like he was on the verge of kissing me. I had wanted him to. So, so much. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I had wanted something so badly. But if he had kissed me, what would that mean for our relationship working together? And did I really know him or even have a sense of who he was? I knew I didn’t.

It was like he was worried about sharing part of himself, in case it made him vulnerable. Like Superman with kryptonite.

But even so… Although I knew so little about him, I’d found myself wanting to kiss him so much, it hurt… Jesus! It was like my common sense had evaporated! All the protestations and my insistence that I felt nothing for him.

Mum’s voice hauled me back from where I was. ‘Hmmm,’ she muttered into my ear.

I sighed in defeat. It was no use. My mother could tell when I was being evasive even more than I could. I was aware that Max, Stephanie and Kim were within earshot, so I took my phone out into the hall and wandered close to the Christmas tree. ‘Yes. Ok. I admit I have grown to like him a lot, but Blake is a dark horse, Mum, and the fact we work together… well, it’s far from an ideal situation.’

She listened. ‘Do you know what I think?’

‘Go on.’

‘When he arrives back safely – and he will – why don’t you tell him how you feel?’

I closed my eyes in horror at the prospect. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t. Was there anything that I could tell Blake anyway? ‘But Mum, didn’t you hear what I just said? I’ve had enough of being hurt. After what happened with Kyle, well, I don’t need all that pain and hassle again.’ Putting my heart out there, just for it to be stomped all over… The prospect made the breath in my throat tighten. ‘Imagine if I did open up to Blake? Imagine if it all went wrong?’

‘But what if this Blake isn’t another Kyle? Imagine if it all went right?’ She sighed. ‘We both know how fragile life can be.’

I thought of my dad and his sticking-up conker-brown hair and wide gap-toothed grin.

Once Mum had hung up, after making me promise to keep her informed of any news before she went, I tried to focus on updating the cabin website with a list of some of the wonderful names that had been suggested so far for the cabins. It was no good. I couldn’t concentrate.

Max and Stephanie milled around, trying to look relaxed and not succeeding, while Kim typed up some correspondence for the Styleses, keeping one eye on her phone.

I was sitting staring at my laptop screen when Kim entered the dining room and cocked her platinum head to one side. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Not bad. I’m updating the cabin website…’

She offered a caring smile. ‘I’m not talking about work. I’m talking about Blake.’