Page 98 of The Christmas Highland Lodge

Oh, for pity’s sake! I was doing it again! Stating the bloody obvious.

Blake pushed both his hands into the pockets of his bright-blue puffer jacket. ‘You could say that.’ He scrunched up his eyes and considered what he was going to say next. ‘I always thought he would show up again at some point. Great though, that it took a near-death experience.’ He then let out a hollow laugh. ‘You know, reeling off a series of excuses, telling me what a huge cock-up he had made.’ He grunted. ‘Made sure he wasn’t about for all the hard stuff though, like when I had chickenpox, parents’ evenings, snotty colds and school shows…’ His voice vanished.

I fidgeted beside him. Blake was still clinging on to what Saffron had told him. Maybe he didn’t want to believe that his father had wanted to be around for him. Perhaps it was easier in some ways not to think that his mother had prevented them from being a proper father and son. He didn’t know the whole story. How could he? Saffron had only told him what she had wanted him to know. She had selected parts of the story to punish Jason.

I opened and closed my mouth. I had to say something. How could I sit here, in such close proximity to Blake and watch him put himself through the turmoil of his parents splitting up again?

Jason wanted me to try to speak to Blake on his behalf, but even if he hadn’t, how could I remain quiet and watch this wonderful man think so badly of his dad? It seemed like Blake was clinging on to the memories he always had from all those years ago. In his eyes, his dad had abandoned him to the mercy of his troubled mother.

I lifted one hand and placed it on Blake’s sleeve. He looked down at my fingers resting there. ‘Blake, there’s something I should tell you.’

He gazed down at my hand. ‘Do you know it was the father of one of my friends who got me so obsessed by all of this?’ He threw out one hand at Loch Strathe. ‘It was when I got a bit older and we were living in Stirling.’

He appreciated the rise and fall of the water. ‘It was thanks to me getting to know another lad who had moved into our street, who was just slightly older than me.’ Blake gave a brief smile at the memory. ‘He was keen on the outdoors too. His dad was one of those fresh-air fiends, who was really into rambling and nature. One day he took us both out on this walk.’

Blake’s deep brown eyes melted at the memory.

‘It wasn’t a particularly amazing walk he took us on. We just went up some nearby fells and through a nature reserve, but something about the greenery and the smell of the damp moss captured my imagination.’

He shrugged his shoulders. ‘That was it. I knew I belonged. I fell in love there and then with the countryside and the hills and I never looked back.’

Blake’s mouth curled up with disdain. ‘I remember feeling this punch of envy in my stomach as I watched my friend exchanging jokes and banter with his dad. It should have been my own father showing me these things, not someone else’s.’

My back stiffened and I pushed myself more upright beside him. ‘Blake, you don’t know everything that happened between your mum and dad.’ I cleared my throat. ‘I don’t mean to sound rude, but you only knew one side of the story.’

Blake angled himself round to look at me. ‘Sorry?’

‘You should hear him out.’ I appealed to him. ‘He never forgot you. You were always with him. You still are.’

Blake’s brows grew stormy. ‘Well, he’s certainly made a good impression on you.’

‘Blake, he just wants the opportunity to explain his side of things. Nobody is asking you or expecting you to forgive him.’

‘He buggered off and never gave me another thought.’

I shook my head. ‘That’s not true. Please speak to him. Things aren’t as cut and dried as you think.’

I shrank back on the rock as Blake’s eyes burned into mine. ‘Jesus. You’ve known him for all of five minutes and he’s managed to charm you already.’

‘He hasn’t. You just can’t see how upset and troubled he is. He’s carrying around so much guilt, Blake.’

‘And so he bloody should. I had my childhood stolen from me because of him.’

My insides tumbled around, as though they were on a spin cycle. ‘You need to talk to your dad. Just hear him out.’

Blake’s mouth flatlined. He jumped up from the rock we were sitting on and prowled up and down in front of me, like a caged animal. ‘I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if I want to.’

‘You know, you can press reset, Blake. It’s not too late.’ I pushed myself upright and moved towards him. ‘It’s almost Christmas. I know you don’t agree with me, but it’s a special time of year. Maybe this is the ideal opportunity.’

Blake switched his attention from me to the slapping water of the loch. The waves on the shore, sounded like they were whispering to each other. ‘Christmas and I have never had a great relationship. I’ve told you that before.’

He gave his head a sad shake.

‘I remember her lying there on the sofa on so many Christmases. She would be staring at the TV, not watching it.’ Blake raked a hand through his hair. ‘She would dissolve into tears at the festive adverts on the telly. Then she would get angry and resentful.’

Blake stared out again at the loch as he told me she would rant about Jason, telling him that they didn’t need him and that they were better off without him. ‘I think she thought if she told herself that often enough, she would start believing it.’

He steadied the rising resentment in his voice. ‘You know what you’re like when you’re a kid. All the other houses would have Christmas trees and decorations, blow-up Santas on their lawns, and yet we would be sitting there in semi-darkness, without so much as a string of tinsel.’