Page 46 of The Bookshop By the Loch

He fiddled with his jacket, for something to do. “I’m not expecting you to forget me walking out on you and your mother. I didn’t think you would throw yourself at me and tell me I was forgiven.” His mouth gave a nervous twitch. “Although if you wanted to do that, I wouldn’t object.”

I didn’t return his hint of a smile. I still felt like I was fighting my way through a fog. What was I supposed to do? How was I meant to handle this? Would other people react in this way, after receiving news like that about their father? How would they feel?

“I just wanted to tell you.” His voice crashed through my thoughts. He hesitated, before carrying on. “I’ve taken a few weeks’ holiday, so I’ll be here in Bracken Way for a while.”

The inference hung in the air.

I hugged myself tighter, trying to unscramble what he’d just told me and the meaning behind it.

“Anyway, thank you for hearing me out, Lexie. I’m sorry again for telling you like this. Maybe we could talk again?”

I slid a glance to my left. Tobias’s dark features studied me.

One of my hands shot up to fiddle with the buttons on my dress. “I don’t know, Dad. Maybe. This has come as a real shock, you turning up like this, not to mention what you’ve just told me.”

I realised I was rambling and bit my bottom lip. “Look, I really am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but why come back into our lives now? Is it because you want us to feel sorry for you?”

His quirky mouth moulded into a dry smile. “I don’t want anyone’s pity, Lexie. But I’ve had time to think and I want to try and put things right, while I can.”

I stood there, feeling thrown off-kilter. “Like I said, Dad, I’m sorry.”

“Not as sorry as I am.” He jerked his head back over his shoulder. “I had better be off.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a business card. “I’m staying at The Drawbridge, but you can reach me on my new mobile number.”

I eyed his fingers sliding the white card along the counter. They remained on top of the card for a few seconds. “Maybe you could tell your mother for me. I had hoped she’d be here.”

“She was. She and Grandpa left a short while ago.”

He nodded, before making his way back out of the shop and heading into the melee of day trippers. He turned around, offered me an awkward, brief wave through the window and vanished.

For a few seconds, I thought I was handling my father’s shock diagnosis. But a delayed weight pushed down on me, taking my breath from my chest.

Tobias was beside me in a couple of keen strides. “You, ok?”

I started, as though I’d almost forgotten he was still there. “Yes. I think so.” I paused. “Actually, I’m not sure.”

He nodded, as though he understood what and why I was rambling. “Right. We’re going to take a walk now. You look like you could be doing with some fresh air.”

“No, it’s alright.”

“No, it isn’t alright. Now just for once, Lexie, will you please do as you’re told?”

I glanced up at him, bathed in the glow from his eyes. I wanted someone else to tell me what to do for once. It was a lovely sensation. “Yes. Alright.” I blushed through a shocked fog. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Tobias waited as I vanished into the office to collect my bag. He ushered me out and locked up the shop behind him.

I squinted against the May sunshine. What was I supposed to feel? How was I meant to deal with this? He was my dad – well, in the loosest sense of the word. He was ambitious and had loved his career – more than Mum and me. He was a clever and driven man. And yet, he’d been stricken with dementia?

Sensing so many questions bolting at breakneck speed through my head, Tobias kept pace beside me along the pavement. “Just say as much or as little as you want, ok? What do you want to do? Where do you want to walk to?”

I reached up and toyed with one of my silver stud earrings. “The castle,” I murmured. “Bracken Way Castle. I always like to go up there when I have to think.” I gave him an awkward blush. “When I was a teenager, that was where I always headed after an argument with Mum.”

He almost smiled. “We’ve all been there. Ok. Let’s do that then.” He strode on beside me, shooting me frequent glances.

To the right, the loch waltzed under the evening sun. To the left, the castle erupted out of the hillside, reminding me of a medieval wedding cake, with its turrets and crenelations.

In silence, we strode up the steps until we reached the railings that ran around the perimeter of the castle.