Page 220 of The Sun He Buried

“No.”

Her face goes still.

I never tell Asta no.

Not for this.

I grip the edge of the table until my knee stops throbbing.

Eirik used the night in his room to hurt Baldr.

Baldr spent the last few days touching me to hurt Eirik.

They keep reaching for me when they want to cut each other.

And I keep letting them.

I slept in one brother’s bed and came down to the other.

I watched Eirik’s face every time Baldr touched me.

I kissed Baldr back until I could pretend I’d tried.

Both of them are breaking.

I’m the part they keep fighting over.

No.

I’m doing this.

The wind brushes the high windows. Not a strike now. A soft pass over the glass.

The blue opening above the pines has widened. Sun reaches Eirik’s empty chair.

Travel soon.

I should be relieved.

I can’t breathe in this room.

“Please,” I tell Asta.

Her mouth presses flat.

Then she nods.

I leave the table.

Nobody in the Hall looks directly at me. Mine clerks gather their papers. The woman near the hearth puts another piece of wood on a fire that doesn’t need it.

The inner passage is empty.

Eirik went this way.

I take the west stairs instead.

Baldr went that way.